


All is Fair

by Knapes



Series: Feva (Forever) [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Rated Explicit for future violence, also Raven is there w/ some hardcore sass, and for some not so innocent scenes, my babies deserve some happiness in their lives, okay most of them smile a lot, some of the characters smile a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-10
Updated: 2016-05-14
Packaged: 2018-05-19 14:43:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 39,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5970772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Knapes/pseuds/Knapes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Trusted allies," Lexa speaks loudly, and the room falls silent again, "It is with great pleasure that I announce to you my engagement to Clarke of the Sky People." Surprised gasps fill the room. Clearly this was the last thing they expected their Heda to say.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Osir Gonplei Ogeda

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this is the multi-chapter fic I was talking about in "Just Kiss Me"... It might be long, it might be short... I haven't really decided yet... Also I plan to use a lot of Tigedasleng in this fic so I apologize in advance for that (unless you're like, fluent in it then go you)...

"This peace has been a long time coming, and it is something each of us should cherish every day," Lexa announces to each of the clan ambassadors. They all stand before her while she sits in her throne. Titus stands on her right, and Indra is to her left. Both advisers are alert, carefully watching their Heda as she speaks.

Clarke glances around the room. Everyone is wearing casual wardrobe for this impromptu meeting. She suppresses a laugh when she notices a couple representatives from the Ice Nation leaning against one another, still half-asleep.

Behind her Octavia and Lincoln — made a member of Skaikru when he and Octavia were married just months before — stand with their heads held high and their eyes sharp. Lincoln especially eyes those from Azgeda, who he regularly denounces as traitors to Lexa and the coalition.

Clarke turns her attention back to Lexa and watches as she moves her eyes over the semi-circle of leaders. She has to fight a smile when their eyes meet. She notices a small twitch at the corner of Lexa's mouth and realizes that Lexa is doing the same. Lexa stands, motioning towards her. " _Klark kom Skaikru._  Legendary Wanheda. Will you come stand beside me?"

Clarke allows only a small nod and a quiet, "Of course, Heda." The room begins rustling with unease as the other ambassadors mutter within their small groups of advisers. Even Titus appears conflicted by the action, but Indra just seems vaguely annoyed by it. Lexa doesn't appear to take any notice to the small commotion. Her eyes are trained on her Sky Girl, watching her every move as she steps closer.

Clarke glances back to her own advisers who are just as confused as everyone else. She notices Octavia mouth,  _What's going on?_  To that, Clarke only smirks and shrugs her shoulders. She turns back to Lexa who is looking at her with a silent question in her eyes. Clarke takes Lexa's hand in hers and nods for her to continue. She feels the tension in Lexa's body lessen at her touch, but the action does little more than spur on the murmuring.

Lexa smiles a little when she speaks again, and Clarke can't tear her gaze away from her. It's so rare that she really smiles that big goofy grin of hers, and every time Clarke sees it she swears she falls for her all over again.

"Trusted allies," Lexa speaks loudly, and the room falls silent again, "It is with great pleasure that I announce to you my engagement to Clarke of the Sky People." Surprised gasps fill the room. Clearly this was the last thing they expected their Heda to say.

"Not only will this marriage strengthen our coalition by the binding of our souls," Lexa continues, turning her head to look at Clarke. Her green eyes look at her with so much love and so much hope, and Clarke's heart swells so much that it should physically hurt. "But our people will also grow closer in the sanctity and the bond of an eternal love."

Tears threaten to fill Clarke's eyes at her beautiful words, and she has to stop herself from leaning in to kiss Lexa. But then something unexpected happens.  _Lexa_  is the one to lift her free hand to Clarke's face and place a slow, chaste kiss to her lips. Both girls smile into the contact. Clarke can feel Lexa's thumb, running softly over their conjoined hands.

After a moment, they break apart and Lexa returns her gaze to her other ambassadors. "Our ceremony will take place two full moons from today on the Night of Lights." She is silent a moment before lifting her head and setting her jaw, settling back into her stature as Commander instead of just that of Lexa. She separates her hand from Clarke's to place both hands behind her, and she takes a step forwards. "Before we move on to end this meeting, I ask each of you to speak true… Is there anyone within these walls that would oppose this union?"

Clarke looks around the room. Searching for anyone that might speak out against it. She tightens her hands into fists to hide the fact that she's visibly shaking with nervous energy. She especially looks to the Ice Nation, just waiting for one of them to step forward and say something stupid. She knows that nothing anyone says will stop them from marrying, but the last thing Clarke wants is to be the one to cause a civil war.

 To Clarke's right, someone steps closer. Her eyes move to watch Octavia come to stand before the throne. Clarke's heart drops. She looks to Lincoln for an explanation, but he appears to be just as lost.  _Please don't say anything stupid,_ Clarke prays. Octavia may hate her most of the time for her past sins, but Clarke never thought she was opposed to her relationship with Lexa - she found out about them on accident one night when Lexa decided to get a bit too handsy in the war room.

"Octavia," Lexa says evenly, patiently waiting for Octavia to speak her mind.

"I haven't known Clarke for too long, and I've known you for even less time," Octavia says. Her voice is strong and bold. Clarke sneaks a glance at Indra who watches Octavia like a proud mother. "But in that time, I've never seen two people fight for one another as you two have." Octavia looks back to Lincoln, and Clarke thinks she catches a small smile cross her expression. "I know as well as anyone else how risky it can be to love someone in this world where our only goal is surviving." Octavia lifts her head to meet Lexa's gaze. "So if you're asking us to speak true, then I just have one thing to say… It's about fucking time." The room erupts into laughter. Clarke's laugh is relieved and boisterous, and she looks to her future wife, noticing the genuine smile on her face.

When the laughter dies down, Lexa speaks again, "Thank you for your honesty,  _Okteivia_   _kom Skaikru._ It is true that we are a people of survivors, but someone once told me that maybe life should be about more than just surviving." Clarke blushes, ducking her head to hide her red cheeks. After a few seconds of silence, Lexa smiles. "If no one else has anything to add then might I suggest that a celebration is in order?"

Cheers erupt at that, and Lexa lifts her arms, shouting above the voices rambunctiously. "Then I'd say this meeting is over. Now go. Announce this celebration to the people of Polis. Send word to the rest of the clans. Tomorrow at sundown, we throw a feast for the ages!" Her smile is so wide that Clarke can't help herself when she reaches for Lexa and pulls her in for a rough kiss. Both girls smile into it, and Lexa quickly wraps her arms around Clarke's waist, lifting her into the air and spinning them around.

For a moment it's just them in the throne room. Just Lexa and Clarke, two girls who've fallen in love under strenuous circumstances. "I love you, Clarke," Lexa whispers against Clarke's lips, keeping their foreheads rested together. Her fingers dig into the fabric of Clarke's shirt. She holds her with such strength that it's almost painful, but Clarke refuses to let her go. She wants to stay in this moment of perfection forever.

" _Ai hod yu in, Heda,_ " Clarke whispers back. " _Feva._ "

Lexa nods slightly. " _Feva._ "

Behind them, someone clears their throat, and Lexa reluctantly sets Clarke back onto her feet. The girls turn to face Octavia and Lincoln. The other delegates have already filed out of the room. Lexa turns to Titus and Indra and dismisses them as well.

Octavia's arms are crossed and she has an eyebrow raised. "So this is really happening, huh?"

Clarke and Lexa look to one another, and Clarke laughs with joy and disbelief. She still hasn't even fully grasped that she, Clarke Griffin, actually gets the happy ending she always dreamed about as a little girl. "Yeah. It really is."

Octavia smiles and shakes her head. "I always knew you liked the dangerous ones, but this is a whole new level of badass."

Clarke opens her mouth incredulously, surprised by the friendly jab, "I do not-"

"Uh, do you remember Finn the infamous Spacewalker?" Octavia offers. "Or how about that one girl on the Ark that tattooed herself with a pen?" She laughs. "Face it, Clarke, you have a type."

Clarke tries to defend herself but can only say a very stern, "I do not!" But her resolve quickly dissipates into a fit of giggles when she notices the look of surprise Lexa is giving her. She turns back to Octavia. "How did you even know about the girl on the Ark? Tiff I think her name was?"

"Raven mentioned it once," she says. "Says it was all very scandalous when you two were together."

Clarke rolls her eyes. "Remind me to kick her ass the next time I see her."

Octavia nods. "Will do."

Clarke can't stop smiling. She hasn't talked like this with Octavia in too long.  _Maybe this really is the start of something new,_  Clarke thinks, silently praying for many more moments like this in the future. 

While she thinks of this, Lincoln steps forward and bows his head to the two leaders. "I thought I might offer my congratulations to the both of you, Heda, Wanheda."

"Thank you,  _Linkon kom Skaikru,_ " Lexa replies. Her voice is soft, and Clarke can tell that she really means what she says. Clarke secretly hopes that she'll get to see this side of Lexa more often outside of their private quarters. It's nice to see how much she really does love and care for every single one of her people.

"Before I leave," Lincoln adds, "I also have new information to report from our trader scouts to the west-"

Lexa holds up a hand to silence him. "I will hear of no more of politics unless Polis itself is on fire, Lincoln... Now please, go celebrate, enjoy yourselves in this beautiful city. This is a time of peace, healing, and new beginnings." With that, the pair nods, bow their heads respectfully, and then leave the room together.

Once the doors are closed, Lexa catches Clarke around the waist again and pulls them flush against one another. "So," she says, a mischievous grin playing on her lips, "I'm a whole new level of badass, huh?"

"Oh my god, please don't," Clarke whines, making Lexa laugh.

"Alright, no more mockery," she says, holding Clarke's gaze with a joyful intensity. "Is there anything you would like to do for your first of many celebrations in our honor?"

Clarke pretends to think about it for a moment before saying, "Oh you're really going to wish that you hadn't asked me that."

 

It's a little past mid-day, when sunlight pours through the curtains of their room, that Clarke finally wakes again to gentle fingers brushing through her hair. She hums in contentment, moving closer to the warm, naked body beside her. She slides a hand over her fiancée’s soft, toned stomach and draws small circles on the skin.

"Did you sleep well,  _ai niron_?" Lexa whispers, pressing her lips to the top of Clarke's head. Her free arm moves to circle around Clarke's waist, pulling them closer together and entangling their legs. Clarke buries her face into Lexa's collarbone and nods. She takes in a deep breath, smelling the mixture of her and Lexa. Trees, sweat, and cool air. It's a smell she could get used to smelling forever.  _Forever._

"What are you thinking about?" Lexa asks then.

"Nothing," Clarke says all too quickly, noticing then that she has a big grin on her face.

"So you just smile for no reason then?" Lexa teases, and Clarke looks up at her. She sets her chin on Lexa's chest, still smiling.

"Being around you always makes me smile, Lex." The nickname makes Lexa bow her head and blush which, in turn, causes Clarke to giggle. "Aw, is the Commander of Sap  _blushing?_ " To that, Lexa responds by grabbing one of the many pillows on the bed and covering her face with a low whine.

" _Stooop,_ " Lexa says.

Clarke gives in to her pleas and lifts the pillow from her face. "Don't worry, babe," Clarke whispers, leaning up and ghosting their lips together, "your secrets are safe with me." Lexa's hand slides up Clarke's back and into her messy blonde hair, bringing their lips firmly together.

Lexa's tongue presses against Clarke's lips, softly asking for entrance. Clarke obliges with a sweet, low moan and moves to straddle Lexa's hips. She slowly grinds down on the other girl's stomach. That elicits moans from both girls, and Lexa's hands immediately shoot down to Clarke's waist. She pushes down, encouraging Clarke to continue her previous movements.

Clarke sits up and looks down at Lexa. Her hands are still on Clarke's hips, but they've stopped moving. Lexa's fallen almost completely still. All that moves is the slow rise and fall of her chest and her darkened, pupil-blown eyes that scan every inch of Clarke's naked body. Clarke smirks, feeling cocky. She grinds down again, a little harder than before, and Lexa's breathing quickens. Her mouth falls open as she watches Clarke slowly begin to grind herself into an orgasm on her stomach, and god if it's not the hottest thing Clarke thinks she's ever done.

"Clarke," Lexa breathes. She tries to slide her hands closer to Clarke's center, but Clarke grabs her wrists and guides them over her stomach, her breasts. She grinds down hard this time, and she's met with Lexa's own bucking hips. Clarke whimpers at the feeling, wanting that to happen again, but Lexa just groans in frustration. "Clarke," she whispers again, saying her name like it's the most sacred word to have ever existed, "let me touch you. Please." Clarke moves again, and the word begins to turn into a prayer as the sensation of Clarke's wet center drives her insane. " _Beja,_ " she begs. "Please."

A harsh banging sounds at the bedroom door. Clarke's eyes fly open, and she practically jumps off Lexa, grabbing the closest fur blanket to cover herself. Her breathing is heavy, and her heart races as she looks at Lexa. The other girl’s face is flushed, and her eyes are still darkened with lust — though anger and annoyance are quickly overtaking everything else. Clarke assumes that she probably looks the same though a bit more panicked.

Clarke falls to Lexa's side with a frustrated huff and fixes the furs to cover her completely. This isn't the first time they've been interrupted during…  _activities_ , but the interruptions never cease to startle her. Lexa sits up on her elbows, not bothering with covering herself — she's instructed guards to never step foot into her room without a direct command from either her or Titus so a full-on intrusion is unlikely.

"What purpose do you have for bothering your Heda in her quarters?" Lexa demands. Her voice is hard as stone and venomously harsh. Clearly the interruption pissed her off more than Clarke originally thought.

"A man and woman are demanding entrance to see you, Heda," a man's voice says. "They claim to be Skaikru."

"Lincoln and Octavia?" Clarke says, not thinking the guard can hear her.

"They say their names are Marcus Kane and Abby Griffin, leaders of Skaikru. The woman also claims to be mother to Wanheda," the guard replies, and Clarke can feel her face begin to burn. She forgot that Lincoln keeps a radio to keep in direct contact with Arcadia, and with the rovers it's no wonder they got here so quickly.

"Tell the leaders of Skaikru to wait in the seating area," Lexa orders. "We will be with them shortly."

"Oh god," Clarke hisses, dropping her head into the pillows and trying to hide herself. Lexa looks to her.

"Do you not wish to see your people?" Lexa inquires. She turns onto her side to meet Clarke's eyes, and she reaches out to brush Clarke's ruffled hair from her face.

Clarke sighs. "No, I do, but… Lexa, they never even knew we were dating. They probably think this is some kind of political move."

Realization dawns all over Lexa's face, and her eyes widen a little. "Oh."

"Yeah, 'oh.'"

 

After finally rolling out of bed – and splashing her face with ice-cold water – Clarke pulls on a pair of sweatpants and an oversized shirt. She doesn't bother with trying to make herself presentable to just Marcus and Abby. They've both seen her grow up. It's not like she never wandered the Ark in pajamas anyways. Before leaving the room, Clarke grabs the softest fur on the bed and wraps it around her shoulders to shield herself from the cold air that blows in from the balcony.

She steels herself before the bedroom door, breathing out to calm her nerves. This will be the first time she's seen Abby since the end of the war, and she's never been more nervous.

A warmth settles around her as strong arms wrap around her waist from behind. Lexa rests her chin on Clarke's shoulder. "Do you want to wait a little while?" Lexa asks. "I can send for my guards and have them shown to their rooms."

Clarke turns around and realizes that the other girl is only in black pants and chest bindings. "No," Clarke answers, looking down and watching her fingers dance across Lexa's stomach. "If I don't see them they'll probably be even more suspicious than they already are."

Lexa sighs. "I'm sorry for this,  _ai niron._ "

Clarke's eyes shoot up. Lexa refuses to meet her gaze, and Clarke can see the gears turning in her head, blaming herself for Clarke's frustrations. "Lexa, hey," Clarke puts a finger under Lexa's chin and tilts her head up, "There's nothing to be sorry for. It's just…" Clarke sighs. "I haven't been completely open with them about us, and while Marcus trusts you…"

"Your mother still thinks me a monster," Lexa finishes for her. "As do most of Skaikru." The admission darkens Lexa's gaze, and Clarke realizes just how much it hurts Lexa to be seen this way by her own people.

Clarke stands on her toes and presses a tender kiss to Lexa's forehead. Her arms tighten around Clarke's waist as she buries her face into Clarke's neck. "No matter what they think, you are a good person, Lex. You really are." Clarke holds Lexa tightly, stroking her fingers through her dark curly hair. "I love you, and that’s all that matters…" She lets out a sigh, squeezing Lexa tighter. "Also as much as I'd like to hold you all day, I should go make sure my mom isn't destroying the living room." Lexa nods, pulling away, and Clarke remembers then just how little clothing she's wearing. "And  _you_  need to go put on some clothes," she adds, gesturing to Lexa's bare torso.

Lexa lifts a brow mischievously. "Do I distract you, Clarke of the Sky People?"

"Very much so," Clarke says shamelessly. She uses one hand to turn Lexa towards the wardrobe armoire near their bed and urges her to walk forward with an affectionate slap on the ass. "Now go." Lexa shoots her a smirk but does as she's told.

With a smile still on her face, Clarke opens the door and steps into the living room. Her moment of bliss is cut short, however, when Abby's first words to her are, "Clarke Griffin! I hope you have an explanation for all of this!"

"Abby," Marcus snaps, but is ignored by both women.

"Hi to you too, Mom," Clarke says sarcastically. She finds  _Sonraun_  sleeping on the couch and picks the small creature up into her arms before settling onto the seat. She pulls the fur tighter around herself, covering  _Sonraun_ as much as she can as well. She looks back to Marcus and Abby who both stare wordlessly at her. Clarke just scratches the fur between  _Sonraun's_  ears. "What?"

Marcus opens his mouth to speak, but Abby is quicker, "What?  _What?_ " Abby growls. "I don't see you or hear from you for  _months_ after we were at war  _again_ , and the first thing I hear of you is that you're getting married? And to of all people…  _Lexa?_ " Clarke's blood boils at the way she speaks about her fiancée, but she keeps her calm. It won't help anyone to start a fight. "Is this some kind of political thing she came up with? To ensure we stay in her coalition—"

The door to the bedroom opens and Lexa emerges. Her hair is let down and only slightly braided. Her pants are the same, but Clarke notices that she wears one of her own shirts from the Ark. She smiles at the sight of Lexa dressed so casually, though her posture is still very much that of Heda and not Lexa. She nods to the Skaikru leaders with a genuine smile. "Marcus, Abby, I am honored to host you in Polis for tomorrow's celebration." She motions to the two chairs across from the couch. "Please, sit. We have much to discuss."

"Thank you for having us, Commander," Marcus says respectfully, bowing his head to her, and giving Abby a stern look for glaring at Lexa. He takes his seat, and after a tense moment, Abby does the same. With a nod, Lexa turns to the couch and settles in beside Clarke. She rests an arm on the back of the couch, and Clarke scoots closer to her warmth, turning her head to quickly press a kiss to Lexa's cheek. The action makes Lexa grin shyly, and Clarke hopes that maybe instead of telling them the truth, she can show them that this marriage is anything but political.

"So my mom was just saying that she is surprised about the engagement," Clarke offers to break the tension between the four and to get the glaring elephant out of the room.

Lexa looks to Abby. "I can promise you that it is still a surprise to me as well," Lexa says. Her voice softens. "I never thought she would actually agree to it." 

"So, how did this happen?" Marcus asks, leaning forward on his knees and studying the pair quizzically.

Clarke snaps her eyes to Lexa with a playful smirk. "This one," she says, "decided to wake me before the sun was over the horizon to propose with little  _Sonraun_  here." She plays with the puppies paws. The movement makes her squeak in protest, curling herself further into a ball on Clarke's lap.

Lexa chuckles. "I would have done it the night before, but Indra was taking too long with retrieving her."

Clarke's mouth drops open. This is new information to her. "Wait, so you're telling me that  _Indra_ knew about this?"

"Of course," Lexa replies like it should have been obvious. "Indra has known about my feelings towards you since our first kiss."

"How come you never told me?" Clarke says, laughing at the thought of Lexa gushing about her to poor Indra. "I thought Indra hated me?"

Lexa laughs again. "Any dislike she has towards you is completely my fault for confiding in her about you for so long."

Clarke rolls her eyes. "Thanks for that, babe."

"Anything for you,  _ai niron._ " Lexa presses a quick kiss to Clarke's cheek.

They return they're attention back to Marcus and Abby. Marcus has a grin on his face as he looks at the pair, but Abby just looks completely dumbfounded. "Is something the matter?" Lexa asks. To most, her voice would sound genuinely concerned, but Clarke has heard that voice before. Lexa's being a complete smart-ass.  _She did that on purpose to rile me up,_  Clarke thinks, realizing that showing Marcus and Abby how they feel about one another was Lexa's plan as well. Her assumption is even further confirmed when she notices a small twitch at the corner of the other girl's mouth - she makes a mental note to kiss Lexa later for just being absolutely perfect.

"You two are really getting married?" Abby breathes, and Clarke knows that she means they're getting married out of love, not because of politics. Her lower lips trembles, and her eyes threaten tears. "How did I not know?"

Clarke tries to suppress her own tears, but once she speaks, her voice sends them running down her cheeks. "You never visited," she whispers. Lexa squeezes her shoulder and rubs her arm. She's grateful for the contact right now. "I stopped sending letters because you rarely replied. I thought you were too mad at me for leaving again." Tears are falling more freely from her eyes now. "I thought you didn't care anymore."

"Oh honey," Abby says before shooting out of her chair. Clarke is up in an instant to meet her in a hug, sandwiching  _Sonraun_  between them. Clarke buries her face into her mother's shoulder, quietly crying. "I'm so sorry," Abby says. "Clarke, I am so, so sorry. I was mad at first and then you stopped writing so I thought you had moved on. I thought you didn’t need me anymore."

"I always need my mom," Clarke whimpers through her tears, feeling smaller than she has in years.

Abby pulls away and lifts her hands to wipe away Clarke's tears with her thumbs. "Well I'm never going anywhere ever again, okay?"

Clarke nods and smiles. "I'd like that."

Abby smiles at her daughter, and pulls her back into another hug. "I love you, sweetie."

"I love you too, Mom."

"Now," Abby says, pulling back and wiping her tears away. She turns to Lexa with open arms, "I think it's time I embrace the woman my daughter has given her heart to.” Clarke can see that Abby still isn’t completely on board with Lexa being Clarke’s future wife, but right now, this is enough.

Lexa is hesitant to get off the couch, looking to Clarke for help as she slowly steps into Abby's arms. The hug is awkward on both sides, but Clarke figures it's better than nothing at all. They break apart after a moment, and Lexa quickly moves to stand beside Clarke. Abby looks at the pair, still smiling, and then notices the puppy in Clarke's arms for the first time.

"Oh and to think I almost missed this sweet little thing!" Abby exclaims, reaching out for the puppy. Clarke happily hands the tiny creature over to her mother who looks just as excited as she was when she first saw it. "So you said you proposed with the puppy?"

Lexa nods. "It is customary for members of Trikru to give gifts of newborn animals when proposing marriage."

Abby turns to Marcus who now stands by her side, watching the puppy in awe. If Clarke didn't know how much the ground still surprises her and her people, she'd think that Abby was looking at her first grandchild and not a wolf puppy. "Keep that in mind for yourself, Marcus," Abby says. "But I want a silver colored puppy."

Clarke's eyes widen. "Am I missing something?" she asks.

Marcus and Abby look up in unison. Marcus looks shy about the situation, and Abby moves her mouth like she's trying to find words. But none come. Clarke laughs in surprise, "Okay, you interrogated me about my future wife, so now it's your turn to spill about your love life." She motions for them to sit back down, and Lexa pulls Clarke into her lap on the couch.

They talk and reconnect for hours. Even Lexa contributes to the conversations. Clarke can't help but think of this as another thing she could get used to. Her mom. Lexa. Even Marcus. In a world that has shown her so much darkness, it’s moments like this with family that she remembers why living is so much better than just surviving.

 

* * *

 

Trigedasleng Translations:

“Osir gonplei ogeda.” – We fight together.  
“Ai hod yu in, Heda.” – I love you, Commander.  
“Ai niron.” – My love.  
"Feva." - Forever.  
“Beja.” – Please.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, I know this chapter kinda has fucked up pacing, but I promise next chapter should be better... Comment, leave kudos, do neither, either way, I'm grateful for everyone that reads this fic, and y'all are the best!! <3 <3 <3 If you wanna talk about the 100 headcanons (or anything really) with me you can message me on Tumblr @slogenheda


	2. Wamplei Don Hon Osir Op

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The calm before the storm? No. Not really.... I'm just going to apologize now for this awful chapter...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter has a shit-ton of Trigedasleng. I think most people should be able to understand with context clues, but anyways, translations will be in the bottom notes... Also if you don't like fics with Trigedasleng I apologize. I love the language so I use any excuse I can to write with it... Also sorry for any mistakes, I changed this chapter so many times that there might be a few that I missed... Anyways, I hope you enjoy!!!

It's the sound of running boots running across the wooden floor that wakes Clarke from her peaceful sleep, and not a moment later, Indra barrels through the doors to the bedroom. "Heda, there's been an attack within the city."

Lexa is awake immediately, sitting up to face her adviser. Clarke does the same, holding the blankets to hide her from the cold morning air. Somewhere in the back of her mind, a small voice whines at the cold space on her back where Lexa was just pressed against her. "Do we know who is responsible?" Lexa demands. She climbs from the bed and runs to her wardrobe, quickly finding her Commander's uniform to throw on.

"No but…" Indra's voice fades, and her eyes darken. Clarke's stomach drops as she slowly realizes that there's been something more to this than just an attack within the city's walls.

" _Chich op, Indra!_ " Lexa orders swiftly as she pulls on a black shirt and then her cloak. Clarke crawls from the bed to help her with the buckle of the corset-like center. As Clarke does this, Lexa grabs for her decorated gauntlets, quickly pulling on the gloves and then buttoning the gauntlets her her wrists. The whole time her eyes never leave Indra, who is hesitant in her response.

Lexa looks as though she might yell at her adviser again, when Indra says, "Heda, it was a threat against your union to Clarke."

Clarke gives them no time to argue when she too throws on a quick outfit and then follows Lexa and Indra into the waking city. Indra leads them straight down the main market street of Polis, and it takes mere seconds for Clarke's eyes to spot the sight of the bloody attack. The rising sun is just barely over the horizon, and people are already beginning to leave their homes to see the what horror has been brought to them during the night.

Clarke stops several feet from the scene, examining the carnage with a sick stomach. Dozens of mutilated animals lay across the blood-stained earth. The fronts of many shops and homes are covered with blood and animal parts. It almost looks like these animals exploded, but Clarke sees no sign of bomb charring.

As more sunlight pours into the streets, Clarke sees a message written on one of the walls: _Fragon Wanheda. Fragon Heda. Wamplei kom Skaikru._ On either side of the message, two beaten and broken bodies hang naked and crucified. Carved into each of their chests is the symbol for Trikru. After a split second of looking at the victim's faces, Clarke realizes that she recognizes them as two Arkadian guardsmen. She covers her mouth with a hand to silence the scream threatening to rip from deep within her chest.

" _Gyon au yo houms weron em ste klir!"_ Lexa orders fiercely as soon as she sees the message and the bodies. Civilians in the street quickly do as their told, leaving the scene to return home. She turns back to Clarke with fire in her eyes. She is no longer just her gentle Lexa. Before her stands the slightly terrifying and _very_ pissed off image of the Commander, and her normally bright green eyes have darkened, now filled with a bone-chilling lust for vengeance. "Return to the tower and inform the guards to keep _all_ members of Skaikru on the top floor," she says harshly. Normally Clarke would be angered at the thought of Lexa trying to give her orders, but then Lexa must realize her words and she adds in a softer tone, "You will all be safer there."

"What about you?" Clarke asks, keeping her eyes trained on the woman she loves rather than the merciless slaughter that lies just a few feet behind her.

"I will be fine. As of this moment, my only concern is keeping you and your people safe."

"And mine is _yours_ ," Clarke counters.

Lexa sighs, stepping closer to Clarke. The conflict in her eyes is evident, and Clarke knows she's trying as hard as she can to be Heda right now and not Lexa. Her voice is quiet when she speaks so that only Clarke can hear her. " _Ai niron,_ I cannot argue about this right now." Clarke knows it's true, but it doesn't help to ebb any of her worry. Lexa has a job to do as Heda, and Clarke's personal concern for her welfare can't interfere with that. " _Indra, hod Klark daun houm._ "

" _Sha, Heda,_ " Indra replies, standing from the spot where she was just squatting to survey the damage.

Clarke keeps her eyes locked with Lexa's for a long moment before glancing back to the butchery, and it fills her heart with a burning rage. These people were innocent. These creatures were meant to feed hungry children. " _Wamplei bosh natrona,_ " Clarke growls loud enough to make sure anyone listening can hear her, feeling a hate in her chest that she never thought she'd feel again. She wants these traitors to pay. She wants them dead, and if they are anywhere near, she wants them to know exactly that.

Lexa nods slowly, mirroring Clarke's emotion. " _Sha, ai niron._ "

" _Klark, beja, masta ai op,_ " Indra says, gently touching her elbow to lead her away from the bloodshed.

With one last look at her fiancée, Clarke turns and leaves with the worried adviser.

The sun is already high in the sky, and Lexa is still out looking for the ones responsible for the morning's killings. Clarke watched from the balcony of her and Lexa's bedroom as the streets were eventually cleaned of blood and death. Titus had come in at some point to inform Clarke that Lexa had decided to continue on with the engagement celebration, stating that she wanted to show that this attack would not break their union. The announcement had broken Clarke's heart. Innocent people are dead, and it's all because of her. Again.

She doesn't know how much time has passed since Titus left, but even after what feels like several hours, Clarke still somberly watches the city below as the people bustle with the excitement of celebrating their Heda's engagement. She watches as stages are set of for performers. As people cook massive amounts of food for the feast. As people are just happy to have something good to celebrate. Happy to prove that not even an attack on their city can stop them from living their lives and celebrating those among the living.

Within the last hour or so, Clarke has watched as people began offering massive gifts of flowers, jewelry, food, livestock, weapons, blankets, _everything,_ to show their acceptance and joy towards the couple, once more leaving Clarke in awe at how generous and selfless the grounders really are. Everything they do is just filled with such love and togetherness. They really do care about one another like one large family, and Clarke knows that she should feel their happiness too. That she should be thinking of her future with these people. With Lexa. But ever since this morning, she's only been stuck in the past.

Memories of he battle at the drop-ship, Finn, TonDC, Mount Weather, Pike, Azgeda, of _everything_ pass through her mind. Memories that she thought she had moved passed. Memories that, for the past year, she thought she had allowed herself to selfishly forget.

 _God, how could I have been do stupid?_ Clarke chastises herself, lowering her head and closing her eyes. She tries to block out the sounds of laughter and music below her. She doesn't deserve this. These people should hate her. Clearly some of them _do_ hate her. She is responsible for _thousands_ of dead grounders. That's all Clarke brings. Death. For heaven's sake, she's the _Commander of Death._ Tears run down her cheeks as she thinks about all the many lifeless faces she's seen. The lifeless faces that she's been the cause of. This isn't right. This marriage isn't right. It _can't_ be right.

"Clarke," someone says, and Clarke whips around to see Kane standing with a ceremonial sword in his hands. Another gift. He has a hopeful grin on his face until he sees the expression that holds Clarke's. He immediately sets the blade aside and steps closer to her. "Are you alright?" he asks.

His voice is soft, and if she were to close her eyes, she swears he'd sound just like her father. That only makes her want to cry harder. _Would he be disappointed if he saw who I've become,_ Clarke wonders. "I can't do this," Clarke whispers, feeling like a part of her soul has shattered with the admission.

Kane doesn't question her or give her a look of pity. Instead, his eyes are just filled with understanding. She sees the pain in his own eyes. He is Chancellor and yet, under his watch, two of his people are dead. She knows that he also knows the heavy weight of so much death on his own shoulders, but it doesn't serve to lessen her guilt and her pain any less.

She thinks he is about to move to speak to her when the door to the bedroom opens and Lexa steps inside. She's still in her Commander's uniform, but her posture is relaxed and less regal. It's something Clarke can only describe as just being _Lexa,_ and she has the ghost of a smile on her lips when she sees Clarke. However that expression dissipates the moment she must notice the tears on Clarke's face, and her eyes turn to a rage similar to what Clarke saw this morning.

"What has happened?" she shouts at Kane, hurrying to Clarke's side. She gently takes Clarke's face in her hands as she looks her over. Her eyes are angry and worried, but her touch is soft and comforting. She wipes away the tears on Clarke's cheeks. "Clarke, _ai niron,_ " she says. Her voice is shaking. "What has happened? Has someone harmed you? Did someone threaten you?"

"Heda, I—"

Lexa whirls on him with death in her eyes, " _Leave us!_ " she screams.

"Lexa!" Clarke snaps. The worried leader turns back to her as Kane silently does as he is told. "Kane didn't doing anything!"

"Who did?" Lexa demands, stepping closer. "I will make them pay for hurting you, I swear it."

"No one did anything to me!" Clarke shouts, angry with Lexa for the demanding questions. She knows it's not fair for her to be mad right now, especially not when there was a threat on her life not more than a few hours before, but she just cant take the angry interrogations.

Lexa pauses a moment, taking a calm breath. Finally, she nods, accepting that Clarke is telling the truth, though it's clear that she knows something is still very wrong. "We found the ones responsible for this morning." They were rogue Azgeda, still upset over the death of their queen."

Clarke feels slight relief, wiping away her tears. She nods, trying to tell herself that she should feel better now. "Good. No that's good. Everyone's safe now now." She purses her lips together, trying to stay strong, but she's never felt more weak. God she feels so stupid.

"Clarke," Lexa tries again.

"I'm fine—"

"You are not fine!" Lexa insists, stepping closer. "Please, talk to me. Tell me what I can do." Her voice is gentle now, almost like a whisper. She closes the space between them once more, resting her hands on Clarke's cheeks. Her grassy-green eyes search Clarke's face, and she looks almost pained. "I cannot bear to see you in this way."

Clarke's lower lip trembles, and her vision blurs with tears. "I don't know if I can do this," Clarke says, and she can feel the world around her come to a screeching halt. Her chest physically hurts, and she feels like her lungs can't get enough air. _How can words hurt so much to say?_ Clarke wonders.

Lexa is speechless for a moment as she takes in Clarke's words. Then her composure breaks, and tears fill her eyes. "Can't do this— Clarke, please if you mean what I think you do—" her voice hitches in her throat, and her eyes fill with desperation. The sight alone is enough to break Clarke's heart even further.

"How is this right?" Clarke asks. "How can anyone be okay with this? Do you know many of your people I have killed? How much death I am responsible for? And now, two more people are dead because of me!"

"I don't care about right," Lexa barks out. "I don't care about the past. I only care about the future. _Our_ future. Those responsible for this morning are dead, Clarke. They cannot hurt anyone else. _No one_ else is going to be hurt." Lexa is desperate now. Her voice is shaking and pleading.

When Clarke's voice fails her, Lexa drops to her knees, sliding her fingers down Clarke's arms to hold her hands. " _Ai niron, beja,_ " she whispers. " _Beja._ "

 _This is too much,_ Clarke thinks, watching as Lexa begs for her not to do this. _I am only going to cause death and pain for these people. That's all I've ever caused._

"I'm sorry," Clarke whispers. She pulls her hands away and runs from the apartment without looking back. Just as she reaches the elevator, the silent halls are filled with a terrifying scream of anguish, and Clarke has to cover her mouth to quiet her sobbing. She watches as guards run to the apartment, prepared to protect their Heda from her pain, but this kind of pain is one that no person can be protected from, not even the Commander of the thirteen clans.

Clarke roams the streets of Polis for hours, doing what she can to keep her face hidden. The last thing she wants right now is to be recognized. She just wants to wander aimlessly. Keep her mind off of the dagger that she stabbed deep into her own heart when she left Lexa. She doesn't know what she's doing. She doesn't know what she's supposed to do. Yesterday everything just seemed so clear. She was so blindly in love that she was able to forget her sins of the past, but she now realizes how wrong she was to do that. The people she's killed deserve better than that. They don't deserve to be forgotten so easily.

"God you look like a fucking mess," a friendly voice says. Clarke lifts her head to see Raven standing a few feet in front of her. She has on her regular t-shirt and cargo-pants, but her leg brace looks brand new. She has a pitiless look on her face as she looks Clarke up and down, and Clarke's heart swells at the sight of her friend.

"Raven," she breathes, racing forward to embrace her friend. She holds her for a long time before pulling away. "I didn't know you were here."

She nods. "Yeah, me, Monty, Monroe… A bunch of us came for the party, but _you_ ," she points a finger at Clarke accusingly, "have apparently been busy angsting and causing unnecessary drama with your wife-to-be."

Clarke's mood drops again, and she looks her her feet. She shoves her hands into her pockets. "I don't know that you's call Lexa 'my' anything right now," Clarke admits. "I called the wedding off."

Raven nods again. "So I heard." She's quiet for a moment, almost like she's contemplating her next words carefully. "Y'know she's up there hoping you'll come back." Clarke looks up at her. She's not surprised by the admission. She knows how important she is to Lexa, so it only serves to further Clarke's internal self-hatred that keeps growing. "Why do you think they haven't called off the celebration?"

Clarke closes her eyes. "I know she's hopeful, but—"

"But what?" Raven challenges. "Look, I know you, Clarke. You blame yourself for literally everything. You've done that since it was just us kids down here. You take everything so damn personally."

"Because everywhere I go, death follows," Clarke snaps, harsher than she meant to, but it doesn't seem to faze Raven. She just rolls her eyes.

"You are so over-dramatic, you know that?"

Now it's Clarke's turn to roll her eyes. She doesn't need this right now. "Two of our people were killed last night because of me," Clarke says. "A threat was made against our clan. How am I just supposed to ignore that?"

"Okay, first of all," Raven says, "were you the one to crucifix those guards?"

"Well, no, but—"

"Then they're deaths _aren't_ on you," Raven says. "They're deaths are on the Ice Nation assholes that were just pissed off that too much frostbite shrunk their pathetic dicks." She gives Clarke a dumb look. "Also, newsflash Princess, we've been getting death threats since the moment we got down here. Since when has that ever stopped us?"

Clarke sighs. She knows Raven's right, but, "I can't be the cause of a war," Clarke says.

"Oh my god, you're so fucking stubborn," Raven groans in annoyance. She lifts her hands and mushes Clarke's cheeks together. Clarke glares at her. "Just shut the fuck up for three seconds and listen to me… And actually _listen_ , okay?" Clarke just continues to glare at her friend. "Okay?" Clarke rolls her eyes and nods. "Do you love Commander Stubborn-pants?"

"Raven that has nothing—"

"Answer the question."

Clarke sighs and nods, tears threatening her eyes. Raven releases her. "Then that's all there is to it." Raven crosses her arms. "You're always going on about what we deserve in life, and how everyone deserves a chance at happiness or some kind of sentimental shit. So now _I'm_ telling _you_ to turn your pretty little ass around and stop being an idiot before I beat your head with my brace."

That brings a smile to Clarke's face. God, she's missed Raven's take-no-shit attitude. "I hate that you're always right."

She shrugs. "Someone's gotta be. Now go get your girl. I was serious about the hitting you with my brace thing."

Clarke smiles and hugs her friend again, holding her tightly. "Thanks Raven."

"Anything for Arkaidia's favorite drama queen."

Clarke rolls her eyes again. Okay maybe she didn't miss her _that_ much.

Clarke pauses at the bedroom door. _Stop being an idiot, Griffin,_ she can hear Raven yelling at her. _Woman up and fix this._ She takes a deep breath, preparing herself for whatever awaits her on the other side. She catches Indra's hushed voice and immediately stops in place, listening to the adviser speaking most likely to Lexa, "Heda please, you mustn't hide yourself away. The Ambassadors will believe you weak—"

"I don't care, Indra," Lexa says dully. Her voice is flat and lacking of any emotion. She almost sounds tired, as if she hasn't slept in days. "It would not be the first time they have questioned my physical strength, and it would not be the first time I prove them to be wrong."

Clarke knows she shouldn't be listening to this conversation, but for some reason she finds herself stuck in place, eaves-dropping on the pair.

"This is different. They will think that this is like—"

"I swear if you say this is like Costia I will slit your throat. This is _nothing_ like her," Lexa growls. "Costia was _murdered_ because I couldn't protect her, but Clarke…" her voice catches in her throat, and Clarke can feel herself breaking all over again, " _I_ wasn't enough for her. I cannot keep her people safe, so for her to keep putting her own faith and trust into me would just be... _impractical._ " Clarke knows that Lexa's just trying to convince herself of that, rather than blame herself - though Clarke assumes she's probably doing that as well.

"Heda you protect and you save all of those you are able to," Indra offers.

" _Ai leik Heda kongeda en ai souda shil Skaikru op._ "

"And you don't really think the reason Clarke is to taken with you has _anything_ to do with what's best for her people?" Silence. Clarke figures Lexa's probably trying to avoid the question. "As much as _your_ love for this girl annoys me, you must know that I have never seen someone look at another in the way that _Klark kom Skaikru_ looks at you."

More silence and then, "It doesn't matter now, Indra. _Ai niron don bants ai, en thou em, ai tombom laik kwelen._ "

Not being able to hear Lexa talk so hopelessly any longer, Clarke opens the door. The room is just as she left it, filled with many gifts from the people of Polis and the different clans. Directly in front of her, Lexa sits against the railing of the balcony. Indra is beside her. The pair looks up at her. Lexa's eyes are red, but she sees no other evidence of tears on Lexa's face. At the sight of Clarke, however, her expression floods with so much emotion that tears do spill over her eyelids. When she stands, Indra stays close to her, glaring daggers into Clarke — if she didn't like Clarke before, she's sure Indra really does hate her now.

"Clarke," Lexa whispers, chancing a step towards her, like she can't believe she's actually here. Like she's afraid Clarke might run away again — which is a slight possibility given the fact that every bone in her body is currently telling her to do exactly that, but she steels herself and remains where she is.

Clarke takes a breath, trying to calm her racing heart, but the fresh breath of air only causes her lower lip to tremble and she just shrugs hopelessly. "I'm an idiot," is all she says, and, getting the message, Lexa takes no time to run to her. She lifts Clarke effortlessly into her arms and holds her tightly. Clarke wraps her arms around Lexa's neck, and her legs around her waist, burying her face into Lexa's skin. She breathes Lexa in. She knows that, in reality, it's only been less than ten hours since the pair held each other like this, but to Clarke, it feels like it's been a lifetime. "I'm sorry," Clarke whimpers between her tears. "I was scared and stupid and _I_ was being weak."

"Do not say such things," Lexa says. Her voice is thick and trembling, muffled against Clarke's skin. "I should have protected your people better."

Clarke pulls her head back, shaking it rapidly. Lexa sets her down and Clarke moves her hands to wipe Lexa's cheeks. She can feel Lexa settle into her touch, and the crying leader closes her eyes as if she's trying to preserve this moment in her mind. "You do what you can," Clarke says. "The attack this morning just really scared me. I thought that if I let myself be happy, then my friends and family would be the ones punished for it."

Lexa opens her eyes, taking in a deep breath, bracing herself for the answer to her next question. "And what do you think now?"

"That I love you and don't deserve you."

With that, Lexa presses her lips to Clarke's fiercely. Clarke can feel every emotion she puts into the kiss. Relief, sadness, joy, even anger. Everything. Lexa pulls away all too soon but keeps their foreheads rested together. Clarke keeps her eyes closed, trying to catch her breath and wanting nothing more than to close the distance again. To pull Lexa to bed and apologize over and over again for this morning, wishing she had never caused Lexa such pain.

"You deserve everything, _ai niron,_ " Lexa whispers.

Clarke tightens her arms around the back of Lexa's neck, holding her there. She doesn't think she's ever been more in love with Lexa than she is in this moment, and when she speaks, her voice is small and afraid. "Do you still want to marry me?"

" _Osir gonplei teina. Feva,_ " is all Lexa says without any hesitation, kissing her again. They smile into the kiss, threatening to ruin it, but neither girl seems to really care all that much. They are just happy to be in the other's embrace once again.

Behind Lexa, Indra clears her throat. She's clearly annoyed by the general cuteness level that radiates from them. "Heda, if you two are done, I believe the people are awaiting you to for your celebration."

Lexa opens her mouth to respond — and probably order Indra out of the room so they can be alone — but Clarke cuts in, "We'll be down in a few minutes, Indra, thank you."

At that, Indra rolls her eyes and leaves. Both girls laugh once she's gone. "She really does hate me now, doesn't she?" Clarke asks.

"Not exactly. She _did_ offer to send guards out to bring you back here by force," Lexa says, smiling.

Clarke's not exactly sure if that was supposed to be a joke or not — though, knowing Indra, she'd likely do that. Either way, Clarke still laughs with surprise. "I was expecting something more along the lines of her threatening to fillet me alive so I guess kidnapping would be a better option."

Lexa's expression hardens a little. " _Ai hod yu in,_ " she says. "No one would dare suggest something like that to me."

"That's comforting," Clarke says with a giggle, "Though you _did_ have me kidnapped by King Roan if you remember."

"And if _you_ remember, Clarke, I did that to protect you," Lexa retorts.

"You really like protecting me, huh?"

Lexa's cheeks flush and then glow a bright pink. She tries to duck her face away, shrugging with nonchalance. "I will always protect you. _Feva._ Even if you were to stop loving me."

Clarke can hear the insecurity in Lexa's voice now, and it shatters her heart all over again. But before she can do anything about it, a loud voice says, "Well if the Princess decides to be an idiot again and leave you, then I wouldn't mind being your rebound girl."

Lexa's head shoots up, surprised by the voice. Clarke just drops her head onto Lexa's shoulder with a groan. " _Raven,_ " she says. "What the _hell_ are you doing in here?"

"Offering myself to your hot fiancée obviously," Raven replies as if her intent should have been known by all.

"I do not—" Lexa starts.

"Ignore her," Clarke says, letting go of the leader to turn to the girl she's starting to regret calling her friend. "Seriously, I thought you were supposed to be at the celebration."

She shrugs, walking to a fruit basket that was placed on the bed, and she grabs a green apple from it. She tosses it into the air before catching it and taking a bite. "So are you two," Raven says. She looks to Clarke and must notice the death glare she's giving her. "I asked Indra where you two were, and she said you two would be down in a few. So, being the great friend I am, I wanted to make sure you two actually got to your party on time instead of being late because you were too busy having make-up sex or whatever."

"And what if we _had_ been having sex?" Lexa growls, standing beside Clarke with crossed arms.

"Then _I,_ " Raven points dramatically to herself, "would finally get to see your that sexy body" she points to Lexa then, which causes her to look at Clarke as if to say, _Is she being serious?_ _"_ that Clarke drones on about but refuses to share." Clarke's cheeks burn, feeling the smirk Lexa gives her way. Raven shrugs again. "Plus I'd also get to see who wins the bet on who's the bottom in this relationship."

Now Lexa's face turns bright red, and Clarke can't stop the laughter that bubbles out from deep in her stomach. "Oh my god, please don't tell me that there's an _actual_ bet like that," Clarke says, holding her stomach. Lexa is left completely speechless.

"Oh of course there is. If I win, I get Octavia's favorite horse, Monty's moonshine recipe, and Monroe's gonna teach me to fight with this damn brace on."

Clarke crosses her arms. "And who did you bet on?"

" _Clarke,_ " Lexa says in a low whine, making Clarke laugh. She wraps her arms around Lexa's waist and pulls her in for a quick kiss. "Don't worry, Lex, I'm only kidding. Now c'mon," Clarke says, pulling away, still holding one of Lexa's hands to drag her along, "let's go celebrate with our people."

" _Sha, ai niron._ "

Clarke turns back towards Raven who still stands by the open door. She has a shit-eating grin on her face, and she nods towards Lexa as if to say, _It's totally her isn't it?_

Clarke nods smugly, and Raven laughs loudly. "I knew it! Octavia's gonna be so pissed when I tell her she owes me that horse."

" _Clarke, you said you were kidding,_ " Lexa says incredulously as the three walk out of the apartment and to the elevator.

"No offense, Commander, but when you act like that, it's not that hard to figure out. You're the epitome of whipped."

Lexa glares at Raven. "You utter those words again and I'll—"

" _Do nothing,_ " Clarke cuts her off with a glare that is as equally intense. "Because this is what _friends_ do. They tease one another about their relationships. What they _don't_ do," Clarke adds with a glare towards Raven, "is blurt stuff like that out anywhere but in private quarters."

Raven takes another bite of her apple and moves her hand like she's zipping her mouth shut. "Don't worry, Commander Bottom's secret is safe with me."

Lexa sighs and shakes her head. "I will never understand Skaikru humor." Clarke sees the hint of a smile on her face, and wraps an arm around her waist, pulling her closer to press a kiss to her cheek.

"I promise to make it up to you if it really bothers you," Clarke whispers suggestively, leaning into Lexa's side.

Lexa smiles down at her. Clarke knows that Lexa can't ever stay mad at her. "It is fine. Like you said, it is but playful teasing from a friend." She pauses, lifting a finger to trace along Clarke's jaw. The motion makes her shudder. "And I need nothing more from you than your presence." She smiles shyly. "Though preferably your presence would be by my side."

Clarke nods. " _Ai set raun_   _kom_ yu. _Feva._ "

A gagging noise breaks their moment, and both girls suddenly remember that they're not alone in the elevator. "Oh no, don't mind me," Raven says theatrically. "I'm just puking at how grossly in love you two are."

"Okay, fine," Clarke says to Lexa, "you can hang her by her thumbs."

Lexa laughs. "That can be arranged."

 

* * *

 

Trigedasleng Translations:

“Wamplei Don Hon Osir Daun” - Death found us.  
“Chich op, Indra!” - Speak, Indra!  
“Fragon Wanheda. Fragon Heda. Wamplei kom Skaikru.” - Kill the Commander of Death. Kill the Commander. Death of the Sky People.  
“Gyon au yo houms weron em ste klir!” - Go back to your homes where it is safe!  
“Ai niron.” - My love.  
“Indra, hod Klark daun houm.” - Indra, take Clarke home.  
“Sha, Heda.” - Yes, Commadner.  
“Wamplei bosh natrona.” - Kill the traitors.  
“Sha, ai niron.” - Yes, my love.  
“Klark, beja, masta ai op.” - Clarke, please, follow me.  
“Ai niron, beja.” “My love, please.”  
“Ai leik Heda kongeda en ai souda shil Skaikru op.” - I am the Commander of the Coalition, and I must protect the Sky People.  
“Ai niron don bants ai, en thou em, ai tombom laik kwelen.” - My love left me, and without her, my heart is weak.  
“Osir gonplei teina. Feva.” - We fight as one. Forever.  
“Ai hod yu in.” - I love you.  
"Ai set raun kom yu. Feva." - I stand with you. Forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, I know some of you were expecting the celebration to take place in this chapter, but I decided to move that to the next (when I finish that one I hope you'll understand why.) Anyways, you can comment, leave kudos, do neither, either way, I just want all of you to know that I'm grateful for everyone that reads this fic!! Y'all are the best!! <3 <3 <3 If you wanna talk about the 100 headcanons (or anything really) with me you can message me on Tumblr @slogenheda


	3. Badan Ai Klin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We finally get to see the celebration... sort of...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I hate this chapter so much... I wrote and rewrote it a hundred times and I'm just kinda sticking with this version because this is the version I hate the least... Anyways, sorry for taking so long with the update, I hope you guys like it!

Clarke loves Polis. This is something she's known since she was first brought here all those months ago. The people. The culture. The life. Everything this city radiates on a daily basis… But as she walks through the streets with Lexa, looking around at the celebration going on, she finds herself falling in love all over again.

Children run in the streets, faces covered in colorful paints. Men and women dance to the thrilling tunes that can be heard throughout the whole city. The many different scents of food overwhelm Clarke's senses. It's better than she could have ever imagined. The people are happy. _She's_ happy.

A little girl runs up to Clarke with a necklace in her hands. " _Klark,_ " the little girl squeaks shyly, " _Klark kom Skaikru._ " Clarke kneels before the girl with kindness in her eyes. The girl holds her hands out, offering Clarke the piece of jewelry. " _Gon yu._ "

Clarke bows her head and allows the child to place the necklace around her neck. " _Mochof, strik gona,_ " Clarke says to the girl once it's on. She lifts the small pendant that is attached to the twine. It's a simple stone with the carving of the star constellation Circinus, the map compass.

" _Kom otaim lok houm op,_ " the little girl offers shyly, and her heart feels so full that it nearly brings tears to her eyes.

" _Mochof,_ " she says again, " _Ai hondes em._ " She opens her arms to the girl for a hug, and the child quickly obliges, throwing her arms over Clarke's shoulders.

But it doesn't last long because the child quickly pulls away, squealing, " _Heda!_ " Lexa crouches beside Clarke, and the little girl digs something out of her pocket, keeping both hands clasped over it to keep it hidden from Clarke's view. She waves Lexa closer and whispers something into her ear. When she pulls away, she looks to Lexa hopefully. Lexa glances at Clarke, smirks, and then nods once, holding out her hand to the girl. The girl quickly shoves the mystery object into her hand with a giggle and then runs off into the crowd.

Clarke watches her leave with a smile on her face. Both women stand up straight again, and Clarke turns to Lexa. "What was that about?"

Lexa holds out her hand, showing Clarke a small, crumpled flower. "She didn't want me to be upset if she gave this token of affection to you," Lexa explains sweetly. "She wants you to know that you are the prettiest girl she's ever seen."

Clarke's smile grows ever wider, and she tenderly takes the fragile flower. She looks back to the crowd, trying to find the little girl again. She easily spots the little girl crouched atop a large crate just down the street. She's partially hidden behind a dark, cloth curtain. Clarke places the flower into her hair and then blows the girl a quick kiss. That makes the little girl blush, and she runs off again.

" _Komba raun, ai niron,_ " Lexa says, wrapping an arm around Clarke's waist and kissing her temple. "There is still much to see."

 

 

 

The couple continues through the streets for hours, though to Clarke, it feels like no time has passed at all. She feels so at ease with everyone that approaches her and Lexa, offering food and words of wisdom. No more have offered any gifts since Clarke received the necklace and flower from that small girl, and deep down, she's actually relieved because she wouldn't have been able to handle thousands of gifts being shoved in her face.

The sun hides just below the horizon now, the city is lit by fire, and the couple walks into an area where many people dance to the music being played on stage. It's a deep kind of music, created mostly by different kinds of drums, other percussion instruments made out of various kinds of metal objects, and a few old-world wind instruments. Together they create a beat that has Clarke wanting to dance.

A few people notice Clarke and Lexa, and their eyes light up. Murmurs of, _Heda_ and _Wanheda_ filter through the crowd as more notice their presence. Lexa grins mischievously, chancing a glance at Clarke. "Should we honor them with a dance?"

Clarke narrows her eyes and the shrugs her shoulders, "What the hell, why not?" Then she grabs Lexa's hand and pulls her deep into the crowd. The beat of the drums pounds in her ears, making her heart rate speed up rapidly. Once she finds a spot in the courtyard that is a little less crowded, Clarke lets go of Lexa and turns to her.

"Alright, _Heda_ , how about you show me how Polis parties?" Clarke says with a small grin. Lexa watches her intensely, her eyes darkening with an all-too familiar look that lets Clarke know that this public dance probably won't last too long, and will probably end somewhere much more private.

Lexa shakes her head, stepping forward and wrapping her arms around Clarke's shoulders. Clarke can feel the heat radiating from her body, and she really hopes Lexa can't feel how fast her heart beats. "We will have the rest of our lives to celebrate with the people of Polis. I want to know how my favorite Sky Person celebrates."

"I'm pretty sure I showed you quite thoroughly how I celebrate last night," Clarke says, quirking a brow and smirking. Seeing how Lexa deflates a little at her words, she gives in. "But I suppose there are a few dance moves I remember from parties on the Ark."

Her eyes instantly brighten, making Clarke's smile grow wider, and she kisses Lexa softly. She settles her hands on Lexa's waist, and the drums slowly begin picking up speed, and a silky smooth voice sings above the music. Clarke doesn't bother with trying to pay attention to the words because Lexa presses in close to her, gently swaying her hips to the beat. She grins.

"What happened to showing you how _I_ dance, _Heda,_ " Clarke teases.

"I only dance because my wife-to-be appears to not know how," Lexa shoots back with a challenge in her eyes.

Clarke licks her lips slowly before turning around and pressing her back to Lexa's front, instantly wiping the grin from her face. She takes Lexa's hands and guides them to her hips before wrapping her own arms around the back of Lexa's neck. She turns her head, pressing her lips to the sensitive spot behind Lexa's ear. "I think I dance just fine," she whispers huskily, moving her body against Lexa's to the beat of the drums.

Lexa's left paralyzed, following Clarke's movements eagerly, her eyes darkening as she runs her nose along Clarke's jaw. Lexa's hands move to Clarke's stomach to hold her in place, and Clarke moves her whole body in time with the beat. A voice in the back of her head tells her that this is probably the _worst_ place to be dancing like this, especially when these people look up to her and Lexa and leaders, but she just doesn't care. All she wants to do is dance and have fun and just _be in love._

But just as the dance threatens to get more heated, Lexa presses her lips against Clarke's ear, breathing, "Follow me." Then without waiting for a response, she takes Clarke's wrist and pulls her through the crowd, practically fleeing the scene. They run down side streets where few people wander, and Lexa quickly pulls Clarke down a dark alley.

"Lexa, where are we—"

But Lexa swallows the rest of her sentence with a rough, needy kiss. She pushes Clarke back into the wall, sliding her hands around her waist. Clarke eagerly kisses back, tangling her fingers in Lexa's hair. She deepens the kiss with a slow lick of her tongue across Lexa's lower lip, sucking it into her mouth and eliciting a pleasurable groan from Lexa.

After a few moments of heavy kisses, Clarke pushes Lexa back a little so that she can catch her breath. "Slow down, Lex," she says breathlessly, "I've still gotta breathe."

Lexa nods like she understands, but then leans back in and presses her lips to Clarke's neck. _This is so not helping with the whole bre—_ " _Oh,_ " Clarke moans as Lexa presses her leg between Clarke's. She leans her neck back, allowing Lexa easier access to the sensitive skin below her jaw. Lexa wastes no time in pressing open-mouthed kisses there, biting and sucking on the skin until Clarke feels like she might just come without even being touched.

But then Lexa pulls away, and Clarke nearly pouts at the absence of her lips. Lexa lifts her head and glances around the alley. "Lexa, what are you doing?" Clarke asks, biting back a quiet giggle. Lexa remains still, holding Clarke against the brick wall with her body. She watched the street a few feet down, and Clarke moves her hands to grip the sleeves of Lexa's shirt, finally taking in the small space that Lexa's pulled her into. It's just wide enough for two people to walk shoulder to shoulder, but the far end is closed off by the cement wall of another building.

"Making sure no one has noticed our sudden disappearance," she whispers.

"You do that after shoving your tongue down my throat?" Clarke chuckles.

Lexa looks at her again, and whatever she had planned as a reply to Clarke's question seems to die in her throat. The heat of the moment before returning in her eyes like a blazing inferno. Her eyes flick down to Clarke's lips for a split second before returning to her eyes. Lexa's lips are parted, and her breathing is still heavy and shaky. Clarke's hands release Lexa's shirt and drift back up to cup her cheeks. She looks so beautiful in the partial light of the alley way. Clarke can only make out half her face, but the light from the street illuminates her eyes in a way that Clarke's never seen before.

"Hey," Clarke says huskily, leaning in just a little closer, "have I ever mentioned that you are so, _so_ goddamn beautiful?"

Lexa's eyes are dark, her pupils blown wide, and she just nods slowly at first. Then suddenly her lips are crashing into Clarke's, and she's being slammed back into the wall behind her. A low _growl_ comes from deep inside Lexa's throat as she kisses her passionately. Her hands find Clarke's ass and roughly grab at it, making Clarke's hips roll into hers. Lexa's leg that still presses between Clarke's thighs grinds against her center. Clarke moans at the contact. Clarke wraps on of her legs around Lexa's waist, pulling her closer, and it's Lexa that moans this time.

She moves her lips to Clarke's neck, biting harshly into her skin before licking the surface. It should hurt, but it only serves to make Clarke even wetter than she already is. Lexa presses her leg harder into Clarke's wet center, moaning her name into her skin. "God, you've been driving me insane for hours," Lexa admits, using her free hand to tangle in Clarke's hair.

"How so?" Clarke breathes out.

Lexa's grip on Clarke tightens, and she sucks a hickey onto Clarke's collarbone. Then she pulls away to look Clarke in the eyes. "Everything you do is sexy,” Lexa says. “The way you are with children. How easily you make the people love you as much as I do. Your smile and your laugh make me burn inside, and your _dancing…”_ she presses closer, touching her forehead to Clarke’s, “I never knew dancing could be so _sexual_.”

She takes a shaky breath. “God, I may be Heda, and I may have to put my people's wants and needs before my own…" Her hand slides from Clarke's hair to trace her jaw and lips. Clarke nips playfully at Lexa's finger. The action only serves to make Lexa's eyes burn even brighter. "…but right now I just want to be so fucking selfish with you because—" She cuts herself off, searching Clarke eyes.

Clarke leans in and kisses Lexa again. It's a soft, tender kiss this time, and Clarke's glad she's pinned against a wall because if she was standing, her legs probably would've given out. "Because why?" she asks, keeping their foreheads together. She just barely opens her eyes to see Lexa baring her teeth like a wild animal, and even with her eyes closed, Clarke can see the internal battle going on in Lexa's head. Clarke buries her hands in Lexa's hair. "Baby, talk to me."

Lexa kisses Clarke roughly with another growl. "…because _you're mine_ ," she says huskily, taking Clarke's lip between her teeth and letting it go with a quiet pop, "and I just want to hide you away in our quarters and do so many selfish things."

Suddenly, Lexa pulls away again, looking Clarke in the eyes. This time she pulls far enough away that she has to lean against the wall opposite to Clarke. Clarke realizes immediately that she's doing this so that Clarke knows she isn't trying to pressure her into anything — not that they haven't had rough, possessive, jealous sex before — but Clarke can see the literal _torture_ the small amount of space is causing her. Lexa stares at Clarke's kiss-swollen lips and the marks she's already left on Clarke's skin, and she can see just how much Lexa wants her right now. That thought alone is enough to make Clarke's breathing shallow and her legs even more unsteady, so she decides to have a little fun with this.

Clarke slowly steps closer to Lexa, just barely brushing their chests together. Lexa's breath hitches in her and her fingers trail up Clarke's sides. Clarke leans in and presses a slow, passionate kiss to Lexa's lips. Her tongue pressing for entrance which Lexa greedily allows, taking in anything Clarke will give her. The kisses are hot and slow and _god_ do they really turn Clarke on.

Suddenly Clarke pulls away, and Lexa looks at her with half-lidded, kiss-drunk eyes. She's completely at Clarke's will, and Clarke smirks. She grabs Lexa's hands and guide them under her shirt. She relishes the feel of Lexa's hands on her lower back. The warm, rough, war-hardened hands that touch her as though she were made of porcelain before harsh nails dig into her skin to pull her closer.

"Do you want me?" Clarke asks lowly, keeping her hands atop Lexa's. She moves them at a frustratingly slow speed. She wants to feel Lexa everywhere, but she forces herself to keep a level head — for the moment at least.

Lexa only nods with parted lips.

Clarke tilts her head and presses open-mouthed kisses down Lexa's collarbone. "How much do you want me?" Clarke nips at the skin now, causing a whimper to slip past Lexa's lips.

" _Krei joken hanch,_ " Lexa breathes.

Clarke steps back, leaning against the opposite wall again, almost mirroring Lexa's position. She has a mischievous glint in her eyes. She moves her hands to the hem of her shirt and pulls it over her head, tossing the piece of clothing to the ground. " _Den shoun ai raun,_ " she challenges. Lexa stands up straight, looking from Clarke to the empty street. Clarke can see the wheels in her head turning so she says something that she knows will rile Lexa up, " _O ste Heda seintaim fir raun?_ "

Lexa snaps her head back to Clarke, eyes ablaze with the challenge. She steps closer and places her hands on either side of Clarke's head, trapping her against the wall. She leans in close, keeping their gazes locked. Clarke's breathing is uneven, and her body aches to touch Lexa. But her arrogant pride forces her to keep her seductive facade for as long as she can.

"I am afraid of nothing," Lexa says.

Clarke presses her lips into another cocky grin, and she pops an eyebrow at her fiancée. "Then prove it."

Lexa keeps her eyes trained on Clarke's as she moves one of her hands off the wall and down Clarke's front. Her movements are tediously slow, and it drives Clarke insane. She wants Lexa touching her, like, _now_. She tries as best as she can to hide it, but she knows Lexa can see right through her.

Her hand reaches the top clasp of Clarke's pants and pops it open. Clarke gasps at the sensation as Lexa runs her fingers past the waistline, rubbing over the thin fabric of Clarke's soaked underwear. "You're already so wet," Lexa groans, pressing closer to Clarke and reattaching her lips to Clarke's neck.

This time, Lexa is slow. Her movements aren't filled with the needy passion as they were before. Her movements are methodical and seemingly thought out. She presses against Clarke's center through the cloth with her fingers, causing a broken moan to gurgle passed Clarke's lips. She's going to regret daring Lexa to fuck her in this alleyway if it means she gets teased forever beforehand.

"Does that feel good?" Lexa asks, her voice a low whisper against Clarke's ear, and she takes Clarke's earlobe in-between her teeth, nipping at the sensitive skin.

Clarke nods furiously, feeling like she should be embarrassed for being this turned on so quickly. "Please, Lex, just touch me."

"But I am touching you," Lexa mocks, and Clarke huffs in annoyance. Yep, she really regrets taunting her now.

"You know what I mean," Clarke bites out, losing whatever dignity she had as she grinds herself against Lexa's fingers, but the pressure just isn't enough.

"I'm not sure I do," Lexa teases, moving her lips to Clarke's chest, alternating between sucking the skin and soothing it with her tongue.

Clarke rambles off a string of swear words in Trigedasleng when Lexa presses just a bit harder against Clarke's underwear. "Please," Clarke begs, figuring she's already lost any dignity she had, " _Leksa, beja, jos jok ai op._ "

She can feel Lexa smile against her skin, and she thinks she's about to make another smart comment when Lexa pushes the fabric of Clarke's underwear aside and plunges two fingers deep inside of her. The sudden sensation causes a loud moan to leave Clarke. It makes Lexa laugh again, and she lifts her head to look Clarke in the eyes.

"You must be quiet, _ai niron,_ " she whispers, swallowing another of Clarke's moans with her lips, "or the people of Polis will know of our rather inappropriate activities." She kisses Clarke again as she starts pumping her fingers in and out, brushing her thumb against Clarke's clit. Clarke buries her hands in Lexa's hair to hold their lips together. She whimpers and groans into Lexa's mouth which only serves to make Lexa's movements faster and rougher.

" _Fuck,_ " Clarke sighs. She can already feel her orgasm start to build from deep in her stomach, and she grips Lexa's shoulders. Lexa moves her lips to Clarke's breasts now, pulling her bindings down to suck at her taut nipples. Clarke can't stop the noises that leave her mouth anymore. " _Leksa,_ Lexa, holy _jok,_ " she moans, unable to control which language she's speaking in until all that leaves her mouth is Lexa's name. She says it like a prayer, slowly becoming more and more high-pitched.

Finally, Lexa adds a third finger and within seconds Clarke's orgasm hits her, and Lexa has to cover Clarke's mouth as a scream comes from her. " _Shhh,_ " Lexa hisses, trying to contain her laughter. Her fingers slow their movements as Clarke comes down from her high, and Lexa pulls her hand away from Clarke's mouth, kissing her softly. Both girls smile into it. Clarke lazily drapes her arms around Lexa's shoulders.

"Have I ever mentioned that you're _really_ good at that?" Clarke asks, taking Lexa's lower lip between her teeth teasingly.

Before she replies, Lexa pulls her hand from Clarke's pants and sucks each of them clean, intensely holding Clarke's gaze, and Clarke wants to groan with how hot the action is. But then Lexa is kissing her again, this time more passionately. Clarke can taste herself on Lexa's tongue, and she moans again.

With a chuckle, Lexa says, "You've never mentioned it before, but when your body reacts in the ways it does, I'd say I do pretty well." She places both hands on Clarke's cheeks and kisses her once more before stepping back and retrieving Clarke's shirt from the ground. Clarke remains against the wall, not trusting herself to move quite yet.

"Wait, what about you?" Clarke asks, not wanting to leave this alley without making Lexa gasp and moan her name as well.

Lexa smirks, leaning in to give Clarke a chaste kiss and reclasp her pants for her. "Patience, Clarke," she says smugly. "We have a feast to attend, and if I let you have your way with me… We will not leave this alleyway until the morning sun rises over the horizon."

Clarke snatches her shirt from the girl and lets her jaw drop incredulously. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"That I am weak to your touch, and if I let you take control, _I_ will never want to attend the feast that has been prepared in our honor," Lexa says matter-of-factly, and Clarke smirks, knowing the statement to be true.

"Fine," she says, stepping closer to Lexa, letting her breath dance across her ear, "It's better I make you scream at home anyways." Then she saunters towards the street.

She hears Lexa mutter a few cuss words before quickly following Clarke back out into the crowd.

 

 

 

Clarke quickly realizes that their disappearance wasn't unnoticed by people because not even five minutes after leaving the alley, Octavia is running up to her shouting, "Oh thank god, we thought you left…" Her eyes wander down Clarke's neck, and she smirks. "Though I guess you two don't care who sees you get it on."

Clarke's cheeks burn, and Lexa laughs. "No one saw us."

Clarke is quick to smack her arm. "Lexa! You don't just admit that we had sex in public!"

Lexa scoffs. "Just like how you don't admit what you told Raven earlier?"

Clarke groans. "I thought you said you weren't mad about that?"

"I'd be pretty mad if my girlfriend announced to the world that I was a bottom," Octavia chuckles.

"Octavia!" Lexa and Clarke shout simultaneously.

She shrugs. "It's not a bad thing, really." Octavia lets out a slight chuckle. "Hell, I wouldn't mind being topped by Clarke if I was given the chance."

" _What?_ " Clarke says, knowing her face is probably beet red.

Lexa, on the other hand, crosses her arms over her chest and steps in front of Clarke possessively. Her eyes are menacing. "What was that?" she says in a voice so angry that she sounds calm. Clarke touches her arm and steps beside her to make sure she doesn't kill Octavia for that comment.

"Heda, I didn't mean to cause a problem," Octavia says.

"Babe, it was just a joke," Clarke whispers, standing on her toes to kiss Lexa's cheek. "It's fine."

"It was disrespectful not only to me but also to your honor," Lexa argues, not taking her eyes off Octavia.

"Hey," Clarke says, placing her hand on Lexa's jaw and gently turning her head, "don't you think I should decide who's insulted my honor?"

Lexa releases a heavy breath. "Of course," she concedes.

"And _you,_ " Clarke says, pointing an accusatory finger at Octavia, who looks more afraid of Clarke than she did of Lexa just a moment ago. Clarke shivers at the thought of what Octavia just said. "A) That was something I could've gone my whole life _never_ knowing, and B) I am going to kill Raven for telling you."

Octavia's shoulders slump with relief. Clarke knows she probably expected a worse lecture, but Clarke just wants this conversation to be _over._ Octavia shrugs. "Go for it because I _really_ want my horse back." She huffs irritably. "I honestly didn't think Raven's theory about you two was even possible because, y'know, you're marrying _Heda—_ "

"Okay, okay, just stop," Clarke cuts her off, not wanting to talk about her sex life with _anyone_. _Ever._ "God, I am never going to have sex ever again after today."

Lexa's eyes widen, and she looks at Clarke with shock, dropping her arms to her sides. She's speechless for a moment before looking back to Octavia. "You say you want your horse back?" Lexa says quickly.

Octavia crosses her arms now, and Clarke notices the corner of her mouth twitch. "Yes, why?"

"Forget this conversation ever happened, and I will make sure your horse doesn't leave the stables."

"Done." Then Octavia turns on her heals and walks away. "Just don’t get too lost again. I thought Titus wad going to have an aneurysm."

Once she's gone, Clarke side-eyes her fiancée. "You are _really_ predictable, you know that?"

Lexa smiles mischievously. "If there is one thing I know, it's that I would _hate_ to never have sex with you again."

Clarke places a hand over her heart and feigns offense. "Are you saying that you're only marrying me for the sex?"

Lexa wraps her arms around Clarke's waist and pulls her against her chest. "Of course not," Lexa says, leaning in to kiss her. "I'm marrying you for your cute butt and great breasts. The sex is just bonus."

Clarke rolls her eyes and pushes Lexa's chest playfully. "You're such an ass," she giggles, walking away from her. Lexa quickly catches her from behind, holding her waist tightly.

"Maybe so," Lexa says, "But I'm _your_ ass."

Clarke smiles like an idiot. "Does that mean you're finally admitting that you're cute?"

Lexa's smile vanishes from her face and she drops her forehead to Clarke's shoulder. She sighs with defeat. "It would seem so."

Someone clears their throat, and the pair lift their heads to see Abby and Kane walking up to them. Lexa doesn't even attempt to move away from Clarke. Instead her grip tightens.

"Heda," Kane says, "Titus sent me to tell you that you are needed in the war room." He furrows his eyebrows and scratches at his beard.

"War room?" Clarke says. "What's happened?"

Lexa presses a kiss to the side of Clarke's head before releasing her. "Do not worry, it is a formality to meet with the clan leaders during a celebration of any kind."

"Do I need to come with?"

"I actually thought we could talk," Abby cuts in, and Lexa shakes her head.

"Unfortunately, this is something that is only for the Clan leaders and the reigning Commander." Lexa kisses Clarke's forehead now. "But do not worry, _ai niron,_ I will be back before you know it." She offers Clarke a comforting smile. "Be with your mother for now. We will have a lifetime to remain by one another's side." With one last kiss on Clarke's lips, she leaves with Kane.

Clarke watches her leave and then turns to her mom. "I guess it's just you and me then."

Abby's eyes wander to Clarke's neck for a brief moment before rolling her eyes and smiling. Then she holds out her hand. "C'mon. This is _your_ home. So you're the best person to show me around this wondrous city."

Clarke smiles and closes her eyes for a brief moment. _Home,_ she thinks, but she doesn't picture Polis as home. She's lived here for over a year now, but she doesn't think Polis will ever be somewhere she calls home. She doesn't think anywhere could ever be considered home to her. When she thinks of home she only pictures Lexa.

 

 

 

They wander together through the city. Clarke talks about the many things she's seen happen in these streets. Marriage proposals, fights, impromptu parties, people painting one another, people helping one another. Abby's eyes are trained on her daughter with such pride as Clarke gushes about the place that she's fallen in love with.

The mother and daughter step into one of Polis's many courtyards. Few people wander about in this part of the city. Most are in the heart of the celebration, but Clarke is glad for the little bit of peace.

"Clarke, there's something I've been meaning to tell you," Abby says suddenly. Her voice is nervous and uncertain.

"If you tell me I'm going to be a big sister I might just cry," Clarke blurts out, and Abby just _laughs_.

"Honey, if I was pregnant, you'd be the first to know."

"Oh," Clarke says, feeling just a little disappointed. It quickly fades, and Clarke leads Abby to a stone bench off to the side of the courtyard. The two women sit close to one another, and Abby takes one of Clarke's hands and covers it with both of hers. She looks at Clarke with such warmth and love, and tears begin to trickle into her eyes. Clarke doesn't know if she should be worried by it or not.

"I know I didn't say this yesterday when we talked, but I am so, _so_ proud of you," Abby says with a tight lipped smile as she tries to fight off her tears. "And I _know_ your father would have been proud of you too."

The mention of her father makes Clarke's eyes water. She can't even remember how long it's been since he was executed, but she misses him every day. She's come to accept what Abby did, knowing she thought Jaha would stop Jake, not kill him.

Finding herself at a loss for words, Clarke can only nod at her mother's words.

"And before I say anything else, I just have to ask about you and Lexa," Abby says. "Are you two okay? Earlier the guards were saying you left and—"

"I did," Clarke admits with a heavy shrug. "Because I was scared. Scared to love and let myself _be_ loved. Scared that you guys might be the next ones to get hurt."

"What changed your mind?"

Clarke laughs. "Raven."

Abby smiles. "Ah yes, she did mention that she was going to kick your ass if you didn't come back."

They both laugh at that, and the conversation falls into silence. Abby looks over her daughter's face almost sadly, taking one of her hands to stroke her cheek. "You've grown up so much," she whispers. "You've become a leader and now, you're going to be a wife." Abby smiles widely as tears begin running down her face. She takes her hand away and pulls her necklace off over her head, turning Clarke's hand over to set it into her palm. "He would've wanted you to have this…" she pauses, and then, " _I_ want you to have this."

Tears run down Clarke's face as she turns the ring over in her fingers. "Mom…" Clarke breathes, not sure what else to say.

"I know Lexa seemed content with the puppy, but…" Abby shakes her head, "I just thought you might want something special to give her as well. You don't have to give it to her now, or at all really—"

Clarke's fingers close tightly around the ring and chain, and she throws her arms around her mom. "Thank you," she says into Abby's shoulder. "For everything."

Abby holds Clarke happily, gently swaying for several long moments on the bench. When they break apart, Abby lifts her hands to wipe away Clarke's tears. "I just want you to be happy, sweetheart."

Clarke nods. "I am. I really am." And for the first time all day, she really means it.

" _Wanheda, Heda ste don sen yu op,_ " an approaching guard says.

Clarke rolls her eyes. " _Tel em hod op. Osir na kom op dena._ "

The guard hesitates at the order. Clarke rolls her eyes again. " _Tel em Wanheda don biyo den._ "

Through clearly conflicted, the guard bows his head and leaves with a, " _Sha, Wanheda._ "

Clarke looks back to Abby who has a surprised expression. Clarke shrugs. "I'm marrying the Commander so the guards tend to listen to me to save themselves from Lexa's wrath."

Abby chuckles. "Well I guess we should go meet the people then." She stands and starts to walk away, but Clarke reaches out and lightly grabs Abby's wrist.

"Mom, wait," she says, pulling her into another hug. She still holds the chain and ring in her hand. "I love you," she says.

"I love you too." Abby pulls away and kisses Clarke's forehead. "But we should probably go before Lexa sends more guards."

Clarke shakes her head. "Nah. She'd send in the whole army."

Both women laugh and begin to make their way towards the center of the city where the main feast is to be held. Clarke turns the ring over with her fingers, thinking of when or how she should give it to Lexa. She wants it to be special. She want to make sure that Lexa knows that _she's_ special. Clarke looks down at the ring with a soft smile. _This is really it,_ she thinks. Everything they've been through has led to this moment, and Clarke wouldn't change a single moment. Because if she had, she might never have been able to call Lexa hers.

A sharp gasp tears Clarke from her thoughts, and she realizes that Abby is no longer beside her. She turns around to find her mother in a headlock by someone dressed in all black. A ballistic mask covers their face, hiding their identity from Clarke.

But what makes Clarke want to scream is what she sees in the persona's right hand. A knife, plunged deep into Abby's ribcage. They yanks their hand, tearing through Abby's skin and organs. Blood pours out, coating the persons hand before running down Abby's front. They drop her, and that's when Clarke screams.

"MOM!" She runs to Abby's side, tears already falling from her face. "Mom, mom, mom," she chokes out, putting her hands over the large wound to try and stop the bleeding. "You're okay. You're gonna be okay." She doesn't know if she's saying that to convince Abby or to convince herself. Abby is fading quickly, losing too much blood and threatening to go into shock. The doctor in Clarke knows that there is no chance in saving her, but the daughter that just got her mom back refuses to believe it.

She pulls Abby into her lap, cradling her body gently. "Momma, _please,_ " Clarke begs. "Please don't go. I can't lose you again." Her sobs grow more violent, and she presses their foreheads together. She can already feel how cold Abby is getting. "Just hold on," Clarke says. "Lexa's gonna be here, and you're gonna be fine, okay? We're all going to be fine."

A heartless laugh cuts through Clarke's words. "You Sky People and your false hopes," a feminine voice says. Clarke looks back up to the person clad in black. They still hold the bloody knife in their hand. Clarke's heart fills with rage.

"What have you done?" she seethes, tightening her hold on her mother.

They laugh again, gesturing towards Abby with the knife. "By the looks of it, I seem to have killed your mother."

Clarke looks back down and realizes that Abby has stopped breathing. Her eyes are still open, and she stares at nothing. Clarke's heart shatters, and she starts to panic. "Mom? _Mom!_ Wake up!" She shakes Abby's shoulders. "You've lost too much blood, you can't go to sleep! You— I—"

A harsh pain suddenly shoots through her skull, and she feels herself falling to the ground as her sight fades into nothing…

 

* * *

 

Trigedasleng Translations:

"Badan ai klin." — Swear loyalty to me.  
"Gon yu." - For you.  
"Mochof, strik gona." — Thank you, little warrior.  
"Kom otaim lok houm op." — To always find home.  
"Mochof, ai hondes em." — Thank you, I love it.  
"Komba raun, ai niron." — Come, my love.  
"Krei joken hanch." — So fucking much.  
"Den shoun ai raun." — Then show me.  
"O ste Heda seintaim fir raun." — Or is the Commander too afraid?  
"Leksa, beja, jos jok ai op." — Lexa, please, just fuck me.  
"Jok." — Fuck.  
"Wanheda, Heda ste don sen yu op." — Commander of Death, the Commander has sent for you.  
"Tel em hod op. Osir na kom op dena." — Tell her to wait. We will arrive soon.  
"Tel em Wanheda biyo den." — Tell her the Commander of Death said so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehehe, so don't hate me for this chapter... I didn't want to do it, but it was the only way I could move the plot forward in the way that I wanted (that's probably a lie, but oh well)... Also, ignore the smut bc I suck at writing it... Anyways, if you wanna come talk with me about the 100 or anything really, hmu @slogenheda on Tumblr...


	4. In Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why has Clarke been taken? 
> 
> What will be done to avenge the death of Abby Grffin?
> 
> And will Lexa be able to fight her past demons to save the woman she loves?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DIFFERENT POV's HELL YEAH!... Yeah, idk, I switch between Lexa and Clarke's POV for the next few chapters or so...
> 
> !!!!ADDITIONAL TRIGGER WARNINGS!!!! There is a lot of swearing, and a part where Clarke assumes someone's gender based on their appearance. There are also several insults/slurs towards a mentally unstable person... If any of these things make you uncomfortable, I would highly suggest not reading this chapter!

Lexa paces the throne room, trying desperately to hold herself together. It has been three hours since her guard had returned and said that Clarke and Abby would be at the feast soon. After a half-hour, Lexa had send another set of guards to find them, but maybe twenty minutes later, Indra came barreling into the throne room with several guards on her tail. Two of which held the broken, bloodied, and branded body of Abby. Lexa's heart filled with a raging fury before shattering into a million pieces.

"Where is Clarke?" she had demanded of her adviser, but Indra only shook her head, holding a dreadful look in her eye. Lexa clenched her jaw, refusing to accept any possibility that Clarke is… She shakes her head, baring her teeth like a wild animal. "LOCK DOWN THE CITY!" she bellowed. "I want _every_ guard to be searching within the walls of this city, and _every_ soldier to be searching within a fifty mile radius of Polis!"

The guards and soldiers did as they were told, leaving Indra, Lexa, and a single Centurion by Lexa's throne alone in the room.

Almost an hour and a half later, still none have returned with any word on Clarke or on who might've done this. She sent riders to ask King Roan to search Azgeda for any remaining Ice Queen outcasts, but has heard nothing back. Indra still stands in the room with her leader, but she hasn't spoken a single word. Neither has Lexa. Both are too afraid to open their minds to the possibility of what this disappearance could end with.

The doors open, and Kane hurries inside. His face is red and covered in tears. "Heda," he says quickly, "Please tell me that this isn't true. Please tell me that there's been a mistake." Lexa looks at him, the image of a completely broken leader. A leader that had helped and been one of her biggest supporters when she was building a peace that was to last for a long time. Lexa tries to answer him, but she can't. How can she tell him that the woman he loves is dead? How can she tell him that the woman  _she_ loves has been taken? 

"I am sorry, Marcus," Indra answers for her, and Lexa gives the older warrior a grateful nod. She turns away from them just as Marcus's legs collapse beneath him. He covers his face with his hands.

"No," he sobs. "Oh, god, no…" Lexa can hear his body trembling along with his voice. She knows that Indra kneels beside him, doing what she can to console the man that she would gladly call a brother to her people. She hears scuffling and turns her head slightly to watch as Indra lifts Marcus back to his feet. She practically carries him to the door. "You should be with your people," Lexa hears Indra tell him. "Inform them of what's happened. We will prepare her for transport so she may rest with those of her own."

Lexa's mind wanders to Costia as she watches Marcus leave, mourning the woman he loves. It had been a rainy night, and she had just returned to her quarters when Titus had informed her of an attack on the capitol. There had been no casualties, but Costia had been taken by Azgeda. She had readied soldiers to go after her, but their small army was met by three Ice Nation warriors. The one in the center had a sick smile on his face as he reached into a burlap sack and pulled out Costia's bloodied and disfigured head. The soldier had distastefully thrown the head to the ground, and then they were gone before Lexa could even register what had happened.

She stumbles on the edge of a slightly disheveled rug and her legs give out beneath her. A strong arm is quick to catch her before she hits the ground. Part of her wants to believe that she will see Clarke when she looks up, but when she does, her heart breaks at the sight of the one remaining Centurion. All the same, she buries her face into the trusted warrior's chest. She doesn't cry or scream. She doesn't do anything because she can't _feel_ anything but weakness. _How am I supposed to go on?_ Lexa asks herself, trying to remember what she did before Clarke came into her life, but all those memories bring her is a feeling of anger and a constant lust for vengeance. She tries to let even that take over her being, but he just feels so broken and lost.

"Come, Heda," says the gentle man, pulling Lexa to her feet. His name is Aron, Lexa knows. He has been one of Lexa's most trusted guards since she was just a Nightblood. He was around even before she met Gustus, and  if she could have chosen her protector when she became Heda, there is no doubt that she would have chosen Aron. But Lexa is slightly grateful that Aron was never in the position to meet the same fate that Gustus had. Aron has a family. A husband with a pair of orphaned twins. She would never have been able to face them to inform them if he had fallen to a fate similar to Gusts's.

"You should get some rest," Aron tells her. He pulls her towards the throne room doors.

Lexa shakes her head feverishly, "No, I must—"

"You are of no use to Clarke if you are unwell and unrested," he says with an edge of warning to his voice.

Lexa nods as they step out of the throne room. Normally she'd tell someone to mind their place for talking to her in such a way, but right now, she can't even walk on her own, let alone defend her respectful position as Heda. "Can you take me to one of the spare rooms?" Lexa asks, thinking she sounds like a small child. Aron gives her an inquisitive look, and Lexa adds, "I do not think I can sleep in my own bed without her."

He just nods with understanding, leading Lexa away from her apartment and towards the elevator to seek out an empty guest room.

 

 

Dripping, darkness, and the putrid stench of death. This is what Clarke notices first. The next is that she is cuffed to something solid and cold. Her arms and legs are parted so that her body makes a sagging X formation. Her wrists sting from where her skin has been digging into metal. She lets out a whimper when she moves her arms. They ache from being held in the air for god knows how long. She wants to cry.

_Where am I? What happ—_

She remembers Abby. She remembers the look of shock in her mother's eyes when she turned around. How her skin had torn at the yank of the assailant's knife. The lifeless look that filled her eyes… And that _laugh._ That heartless, soul sucking laugh was all she heard before being knocked out.

Clarke whimpers again, biting at her mouth gag. Tears run down her cheeks, fearful for what the future has in store for her. She's not sure if it's been hours or days since she was attacked, all she knows is that this wasn't supposed to be happening. She was supposed to be with Lexa. She was supposed to be _home._

Home where her mother swore she wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. Home where she had a future with Lexa. Home where she had Sonraun to take care of. Home where she was supposed to raise kids. To learn of all the different traditions that Polis had to offer. To _live_ … But now she's not sure if she's going to have any of that. She's not even sure if she'll get to live to see the light again.

A choked sob pushes passed her gag, and she drops her head, hopeless. Then she hears it. That laugh, and her head shoots up. She desperately tries to see something, _anything,_ but she can't. She has a dark cover over her head, allowing her to see nothing. She tries to plead with her kidnapper, but her words are unintelligible cries.

"I always find legends like you to be quite hilarious," the feminine voice says. It's loud and echoes throughout whatever cave Clarke's been hidden in. She can't tell where the person stands or sits or whatever. "The great _Wanheda,_ destroyer of the mountain," the voice is filled with mockery and amusement. They laugh again, filling Clarke's ears with the sound. She closes her eyes shut, trying in vain to hide from the wretched sound. "But you're just a girl. You're stronger than most, I'll give you that, but you're still _so weak._ Just like the rest of your people." The voice fills with venom at the mention of Skaikru, and Clarke doesn't process the cold feeling against her right arm until she feels the cut.

Clarke cries out, feeling warm blood run down her arm. _What do you want?_ She tries to ask, but once again, her words are muffled as nothing but noises. More tears fall from her eyes at the pain searing through her arm.

The voice releases a sigh. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that." She feels a warm cloth being pressed to the gash. She flinches away from both the attacker and the stinging pain the cloth causes. "Yeah, I would be frightened of me too."

" _Hey!_ " a deep, bellowing voice shouts now. Once more, Clarke flinches at the harsh sound. "You were told to leave this one untouched!"

"I—I—"

The sound of a punch and the thump of a body. " _Yu laik krei joken branwoda!_ " the deeper voice shouts. " _Nou bash em op nodotaim!_ " Another sound and then a gurgled grunt tells Clarke that the other person has probably kicked her assailant. She feels a little bit of joy knowing that her mother's murderer is getting just the beginning of what they will receive should she escape.

But her bitter joy is short lived as something hits her in the head again, and once more, she falls into a deadly unconsciousness.

 

 

Lexa's body aches. _What the hell is wrong with my bed?_ She wonders briefly, rolling over and reaching out for Clarke, but she's met with only an empty, unused space. This is what brings her back to reality. Lexa opens her eyes and remembers that she's in one of the spare rooms. Sunlight pours through the windows, and tears finally begin to leave Lexa's eyes. She buries her face in the pillow, trying to quiet her sobs, but that only serves to make her cry harder. All she wants is to feel Clarke's arms wrap around her and tell her that everything is okay. That last night was just a bad dream, but Lexa knows it's not true.

Clarke is missing.

But Clarke is a fighter. This is something Lexa has always known. No matter what happens, Clarke will always fight to live if not for herself, then for the ones she loves… And Lexa just hopes that she'll be enough to keep Clarke fighting.

"Heda," Lexa recognizes the voice as Indra's, and she shoots up, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"What have you found?" Lexa asks, pulling the blankets off herself. She didn't bother with changing into pajamas last night so she is still in her clothes from the celebration.

Indra holds out a bloody cloth, and Lexa quickly snatches it from her. "We examined the body of Clarke's mother—"

"Abby," Lexa snaps.

"I'm sorry?"

"Her name was _Abi kom Skaikru,_ " Lexa shouts. "She was a healer to all of the clans, a leader that helped bring us to peace, and she was to be _ai_ _nomon_ once Clarke and I married. You _will_ give her the goddamned respect of using her _fucking name, Indra!_ "

Indra steels at her Heda's harsh words, knowing the anger comes from being unable to find her missing love, so she simply nods. "I apologize, I did not mean—"

" _Jos tel ai op chit yu don dig au_!" Lexa unravels the bloodied cloth. On it is a symbol written in what looks like blood. It is a symbol of a dagger and crescent moon. She doesn't recognize it from anywhere. She looks back to Indra. "What is this?"

Indra shakes her head. "No one knows. I have taken it to our scholars and other clan leaders, even Titus does not recognize the symbol from anywhere."

In her frustration, Lexa crumples the cloth and tosses it aside with a furious scream. She steps away from Indra so that her back is to the older warrior. She grips the back of a chair so tight that her knuckles turn white. "What use is it to us then?!"

Indra shakes her head, but offers Lexa no kind of response to her question. Lexa screams again, this time shoving the chair forward. When it doesn't go as far as she would have liked, she picks it up and sends it through the nearby window. She turns back to Indra. "Send out more warriors to search for signs of that symbol!" Lexa orders.

"Heda, we have spared all warriors that we can. If we send anymore the clans and Polis will be left unprotected from further attacks," Indra argues.

"I don't care! I don't _fucking_ care, Indra! I want _everyone_ out there looking for her!"

Indra takes a steady breath, and then, "No."

Lexa squares her jaw. "What was that?" Lexa's breathing is heavy, and she flexes her hands. She stares her adviser down, but sees no sign of fear or concern in her eyes.

"I said no," Indra repeats calmly. "We already have the armies of the twelve clans searching for Clarke. Sending more out will just make us vulnerable." Lexa steps closer to her, trying to intimidate her, but Indra holds her ground. The logical part of Lexa knows that Indra is right, but she doesn't care. She won't care until Clarke is found _alive._

" _Gon we fou ai don frag yu op gon nou masta ai hedon op_ ," Lexa growls lowly.

Indra's expression never changes as she simply bows her head and leaves the room. Lexa bellows again, this time kicking the floor. She's never felt so useless. _Ai laik Heda gon kongeda,_ she tells herself. _Ai souda du som!_

A knock at her door startles her. She turns to see Octavia and Raven approaching her. Both have red eyes, most likely from tears. Lexa squares her shoulders before them, lifting her jaw. "Raven, Octavia, what is it that you need?" she asks flatly, giving nothing away of her internal struggle.

Raven shakes her head with a trembling lip. "Please don't act like this," she whispers. "Please don't act like this isn't as hard on you as it is on all of us."

"Heda please, don't shut us out," Octavia adds. "I know we are a pain in the ass, but we love her too."

Lexa clenches her jaw and her nostrils flare. "Do not act as if you two know _anything_ about me. We are not friends. I tolerate you only for the sake of Clarke." She takes a breath. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'll actually be putting myself to use in _finding her._ "

She walks around the two girls, doing what she can to keep her emotions buried under her facade as Heda. But then Raven speaks, "God you're such a fucking coward, you know that?"

Lexa freezes at the door, keeping her back to her.

"Raven, dont—"

"No, O, I'm not going to stand here and let Commander Useless act like she doesn't care about finding Clarke—"

In two strides, Lexa turns around, grabs Raven by the front of her shirt and slams her into the nearest wall. "Don't you _ever_ , claim that I do not care about finding Clarke." Her eyes burn into Raven's, and she holds her shirt so tightly that she fears it might rip. "The only reason I do not slit your throat right now is because of how much I care for her."

Octavia stays back, helpless to the situation.

Raven scoffs. "And that makes you the poster-girl for true love? _Please._ Do you think Clarke would want you doing this? Do you think she would want you to return to acting like this ruthless leader?"

Lexa's grip on Raven's shirt tightens. "Mind your place when you speak to me."

Raven laughs humorlessly and rolls her eyes before shoving Lexa away from her. Lexa is so surprised by the action that she's left frozen in place as Raven yells at her again. "Y'know what, fuck you. All you care about is your goddamned title and your fucking respect. We don't need _your_ help to find one of _our_ people. Skaikru can do it on our own." She looks to Octavia. "C'mon, Kane is waiting for us."

Octavia nods, and they exit the room.

Alone once more, Lexa takes a step back to try and steady herself. Her lower lip trembles, and her knees buckle beneath her. A choked sob breaks free of her throat. "Clarke," Lexa whispers, hoping that somehow, someway, Clarke will be able to hear her voice, "I'm so sorry... They are right. I am nothing more than a coward." She thinks about what she found the last time she went searching for a girl she loved. Her body trembles, and she kneels over, pressing her face into her hands against the floor. She rocks herself back and forth, trying for some kind of comfort, but the movement does nothing to calm her.

She shakes her head, sobbing with reckless abandon. " _Ai niron,_ I am just so scared," she whispers. "And I don't even have the first clue on how I am to find you."

 

 

Pain. That's what Clarke feels as her body is doused with freezing water. She yelps at the sting it brings to her skin. It is followed by shivering and a burning pain from her right arm where her cut has reopened from its blood-scab. Then there's that laugh again, and it just makes Clarke want to cry. She shudders with fear, bracing herself for more vile words or even the possibility of torture. She is so scared that she feels like she might just pass out.

Suddenly, the dark cloth is ripped from Clarke's head, and the light of flames hurts her eyes. She holds them closed, refusing to see what kind of horrible scene lies before her. A gentle, glove-covered hand touches her cheek, and she flinches away with a feral growl. She looks at the person before her now. They still wear all black and a ballistic mask, leaving their identity a secret to Clarke, but their lithe stature and the small swell of breasts under a black shirt leaves Clarke to assume that this person is female.

"You have such beautiful eyes," the girl says, reaching for her again, but this time, Clarke bites at her. That gets her a quick punch to the face. At the same moment, the door to the cave-room opens and a man walks inside. He's a large, gorilla of a man with a clean-shaven face. He notices the girl in front of Clarke, and his face turns to rage.

"Sybil!" the man roars, marching forward and grabbing the girl — Sybil — by the scruff of her shirt. Clarke recognizes the man's voice as the same person that yelled at her captor before. "I told you to stay the fuck out of here!"

He looks to Clarke and notices the red welt on her cheek. He harshly grabs Clarke by the chin and turns her head to see the blemish better. His face turns red with anger. "And what the fuck is that, huh?" he bellows, throwing Sybil like a rag-doll towards the door. "Go guard the door!"

Sybil scrambles to her feet and flees from the room.

With a huff, the man straightens his shirt, squares his shoulders, and returns his cold, barbaric gaze to Clarke. "I am sorry for her," he says simply. "She was hurt in a fight many moons ago, and it left her… well, you saw how she was." Clarke grits her teeth. She doesn't give a damn about that girl — Syrus or whatever the hell her name is. She just wants someone to pay for this. For her mother.

"What the hell do you want with me?" Clarke hisses. Her nostrils flare with her anger, and she pulls on her restrains, just to see if, on the off chance, one would break off so she could punch the man before her.

He grabs a chair from the nearby table and sets backwards before Clarke. He sits down and rests his forearms on the backrest. As he does this, Clarke takes the time to take in the small room. Beside the table and chair is a sleeping mat. She looks around the dark cave, seeing the candles that illuminate the space. Then she sees the wooden door. Her only chance at escape. She turns her head back to the man, watching him shrug.

"Now why would I tell you that?"

"I figure it's at least common fucking courtesy given you murdered my mother and kidnapped me."

A sigh. "Ah, yes, I forgot that Sybil did that. I do apologize. You were our only target."

Clarke feels her heart blacken with hate. She wishes their positions were reversed so that she could make him beg her for death. "So my mother was only _collateral damage_ to you?"

Another shrug and a nod of his head. "I mean not to offend, but it's true."

Clarke clenches her teeth. "Just answer my goddamned question," she seethes.

He purses his lips, giving her an even look. "Clarke, I'm going to be honest here. I'm not what your kind would consider the 'good guy.'"

"My kind?"

"Sky People," he says with a bit of an edge to his voice. As if just saying the phrase were like gnawing on nails. "You're all about morals and the greater good." He shakes his head. "You don't even know the first thing about survival." His eyes darken. "All you know is death." Clarke's stomach clenches, and she can sense where this conversation is going.

"So what does kidnapping me do?"

He smiles evilly, "You're their most infamous leader. The great _Wanheda._ "

"That title has lost its former meaning," Clarke tells him. "I am no longer seen as all mighty. I'm just an ambassador for my people."

The man shrugs. "Even so, you're my best source for information on them, on the coalition. Everything."

Clarke scoffs. "As if I'd tell you anything."

He smiles and breathes out a slight chuckle. "I won't get you to say anything you don't want to," he says simply, getting up and returning his chair to the place he got it from. "I am not big on the whole hurting people for information." Clarke feels a small bit of relief in her chest until he opens the door again, and Clarke sees Sybil.

The man gives Clarke one last look. "But Sybil here, torture is one of her favorite pass-times." Then he leaves, shutting the door behind Sybil. Clarke feels like she wants to cry as Sybil practically _skips_ in front of Clarke again.

She laughs, and Clarke closes her eyes fearfully, bracing for the worst. "I've been given the okay to touch you," Sybil says, then she shakes her head. "Don't worry, it's not like _that._ " She pulls a knife from her back pocket and laughs again. "I get to hear your beautiful screams now because you're _my_ prize, Sky Girl." She presses the knife to Clarke's cheek and cuts her ever-so-slightly.

Clarke holds back her whimpers this time, knowing that that's what this freak wants from her. If she's going to die, she might as well die with at least with the knowledge that she hadn't given this girl something she wanted from her.

Sybil sighs and pulls away. "I guess I shouldn't get into it too quickly." Clarke opens her eyes and watches as she waltzes over to the chair not too far from her. Clarke glances at the door again.

"Oh don't worry about that silly door," the girl says, clearly amused by Clarke's wandering eyes. "This is deep in the tunnels of our home. There's no _way_ you could ever break out of here. Not without being eaten by the monsters." Sybil giggles at that, and Clarke swallows her tears, starting to lose whatever bit of hope that she still held on to.

"Oh don't look so _disappointed,_ " they say. "You're safer here than you would be back with those people."

Clarke looks back to them with a confused look in her eyes, and they laugh that terrible laugh again. "Oh! Did I forget to reveal the evil plot to you?" They tap flat-edge of their blade to the side of their head and stand. "We're going to wipe your kind out, along with all those that would sympathize with you." Another laugh as they grip the blade in their hand, flexing and unflexing their fingers. There's a flash of silver to her left, and Clarke lets out a scream as she looks at the blade that now sticks deep into the palm of her hand. "Joron didn't want to tell you, but I figure it's only _right_ that you know." Clarke whimpers, tears falling freely from her face. Her whole body shakes from the pain that comes from her hand.

"So, Clarke, I know that you were supposed to be marrying Lexa," Sybil says, slowly going to grab the chair and she sets it in front of Clarke, mimicking the way the man — Joron, Clarke would guess his name — sat just moments before. "Tell me about her. Is she good to you?" Clarke can sense the grin Sybil has through her mask before she speaks again. "Is she good in bed."

"Fuck you."

"Tsk, tsk," she says with disapproval. "Now, Clarke, even _I_ know that you don't cheat on your partner… _C'mon,_ I don't want to make this harder than it needs to be. We can either make this torture quick, or we can make it long… I mean, I know which one _I'd_ prefer, but I like to give the pretty ones the choice of getting the easier way out."

Clarke clenches her jaw shut, glaring her down. After a moment Sybil nods, wagging a finger at her. "I knew I'd like you," she says, standing again and coming close. "Because you're _stubborn._ " She takes the hilt of the knife and rips it from Clarke's hand. She bites back another scream. Her tormentor pouts, "Not even a little whimper from that one?" She sighs, "I guess I'll just have to find another way to make you sing with that adorable voice of yours."

She turns and grabs the dark cloth, and Clarke just stares Sybil down as it's placed over her head once again.

 

 

Agony is all she can comprehend. She's lost track of where it comes from or what wounds still bleed. It's just there, and it's relentless. The only bit of reality she has to hold on to is Sybil's laugh. _God,_ that horrible, _horrible_ laugh, grating at her eardrums with each sound of ripping flesh and piercing screams. She can't tell how much time has passed. Minutes, hours, days, weeks… She can't even count past the number one because she is in so much pain.

The sound of the door startles her, but she has so little energy left that she merely says still, waiting for the next round of torments.

"Y'know, I was thinking," comes Sybil's voice, "I know a _lot_ about you, but you don't know anything about me, do you?"

Clarke stays silent, knowing she'll just keep speaking even without being prompted to.

"But I don't think you want to know anything about me, do you?"

Silence, followed my footsteps, and then Sybil rips the dark cloth from Clarke's head. She looks at her with no emotion. Just pure exhaustion and probably some residual fear. Sybil takes Clarke by the hair and yanks it hard. Clarke yelps. The sudden movement hurts everywhere, and a fresh batch of tears fall from her eyes. _Please,_ she wants to say, _Please just kill me._

Sybil sighs and releases Clarke's hair. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get angry with you. I— I can't always control my temper, but I guess you'd know that already, huh?" She steps away from Clarke and grabs the chair again, placing it in the same position as before, leaning her arms on the backrest. She looks up at Clarke curiously.

"My favorite color is blue," she says. Clarke's only response is a quick glance. She doesn't care what this psycho has to say. She just wants the pain to end. Sybil sighs. "You don't say much, do you?" they nod. "I guess that's why we're in this situation, huh?" Sybil points a finger at her. "You are the most stubborn person I have ever had the courtesy of sharing this room with."

A small bit of pride fills Clarke's chest knowing that she's held on this long without giving away anything. " _Gyon yu au jok, you,_ " Clarke says with what little strength she has left.

Sybil laughs again, and Clarke flinches at the sound. "Do they not treat you manners in space, Clarke? I give you a nice place to reside, and you give me nothing but silence and insults in return."

" _Jok yu op, yu joken branwoda,_ " Clarke bites out more strongly.

Sybil nods, standing and grabbing the knife from the table. "If we're talking now, then I guess you might be more willing to tell me what I need to know, hm?" She brings the blade to Clarke's hip, pressing the edge against the part with the least flesh over the bone. "So, Clarke, how many people does Arkadia have?" When Clarke doesn't answer, Sybil slides the blade, cutting into the skin. It stings, but it's not as bad as some of the other wounds she's received.

"Are there any secret entrances to Arkadia that we might be able to use to sneak in?" Sybil tries again, but Clarke keeps her mouth shut. She slides the blade against the same cut, this time pressing down harder and allowing the blade to grind against her bone. She stifles a small cry of pain. Sybil laughs.

"I don't get why you are putting yourself through this pain, Clarke," the girl says. "These people, they don't care about you. Why are you protecting them? Why are you letting yourself be put through this? Joron and I are allowing you an easier way out."

A moment of silence, and just as Sybil is about to cut even deeper, Clarke gives in. "You're right," she says weakly. Her voice breaks with tears. "They don't care about me. I've killed them. I've abandoned them. I've done nothing good for them. They hate me. So you know what? I'll tell you this…" Sybil's eyes light up, and she listens intently to Clarke's words. "Go to the south wall of Arkadia. Dress in grounder uniforms, and tell the men on the wall, 'The Griffin still flies. We come in the name of the serpent.' They'll send armed men out to meet you, but that's just precautionary. They'll take you straight into the heart of the city."

She can feel Sybil's smile, and she pulls the knife away from Clarke's hip. "You see, I _knew_ that I liked you, Clarke." She taps her own head with the blade. "You know how to think logically. You're a survivor like me." She backs towards the door. "I will be back soon with your prize for this information, Clarke." Then Sybil leaves without putting the cloth back over Clarke's head.

Once alone, she drops her head, praying to any god willing to listen, that someone,  _anyone_ will hear those words and know them to be from her. With this prayer, Clarke feels something buried deep in her heart rise above all the physical and emotional pain, and she recognizes the small remnants of hope. Hope that maybe this plan will work. Hope that maybe she'll get to see the sun again. Hope that she will once again be able to see and feel and hold the woman she loves.

 

* * *

 

Trigedasleng Translations:

"Yu laik krei joken branwoda!" — You are so fucking useless!  
"Nou bash em op nodotaim!" — Do not harm her again!  
"Jos tel ai op chit yu don dig au!" — Just tell me what you have found!  
"Gon we fou ai don frag yu op gon nou masta ai hedon op." — Leave before I have you killed for not following my command.  
"Ai laik Heda gon kongeda." — I am the Commander of the coalition.  
"Ai souda du som!" — I must do something!  
"Gyon yu au jok, you." — Go fuck yourself.  
"Jok yu op, yu joken branwoda." — Fuck you, you fucking idiot.  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh, Clarke. Are you sure this plan is really going to work? Dun, dun dunnnn.... hehe, if anyone would like to talk to me about this series or about anything at all, just hmu on Tumblr @slogenheda... Thanks again for reading!!! ♥♥♥


	5. Kom War Gon Ai Niron

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Did Clarke's plan work? Will Lexa be able to save her fiancee in time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm gonna start my apologizing for taking so long with the update. From everything with 307 to getting a shit-ton of work at school to seriously starting to worry about college, time and writer's block have been terrible to me... WIth that said, I am also sorry for how bad this chapter is. Idk, I hope you guys like it, and please forgive me for any grammar/spelling errors. I am trying to just post this so y'all don't have to wait any longer.

Aden swings is wooden practice stick at Lexa. His movements are sloppy, this Lexa can tell as she blocks his attack and retaliates with a kick to his stomach. He falls to the ground, dropping his weapon. The other Nightbloods stand around the training area uneasily.

" _Get up!_ " Lexa shouts to Aden, twirling her own weapon in her hands. Aden does as he's ordered, picking up his weapon, and holding his stomach wearily. "Tell me what you did wrong!" Lexa demands of him.

"I—I was too arrogant with my movements," he offers.

"Yes," Lexa growls, "You were. _AGAIN!_ " She spins herself to offer a more powerful blow. The quick change isn't surprising to Aden so he is able to block the attack. But the sheer force Lexa puts into it, makes him stumble. Lexa takes this opening to kick the boy's feet out from under him. He falls roughly to his back, and Lexa gives him a blow to the cheek with the end of her weapon.

Aden yelps, looking at Lexa angrily.

Lexa steps away from him again. "What did you do wrong this time?"

"I decided to attend training," he mumbles, pushing himself to his feet.

Lexa's eyes flash to him with a burning glare. "What was that?" she hisses coldly.

Aden shakes his head. "You shouldn't be here, Heda!" he accuses. "Your mind is not in the place of teacher. You use us as victims to take your anger out on."

The accusation makes her blood boil. She is really getting sick of everyone saying she is so incapable of being Heda just because she has heard nothing of Clarke's disappearance. " _Ai laik yu Heda, en yu na hod yu rein daun!_ "

Aden tosses his training weapon to the side. "No," he says simply, lifting his chin and standing his ground. He places his hands behind his back. "Heda we are not the priority on your mind at the moment, and I will not see you act in this way because of clouded judgment."

" _You_ will not see me in this way?" Lexa snaps. " _I am your—_ "

" _You are my mentor and my friend!_ " Aden shouts back at her. "You have raised me, and you are my only family! As such I am not going to just stand here and watch as you destroy yourself and hurt everyone around you because you feel helpless!"

Lexa grits her teeth, staring at the boy murderously. She throws her training weapon down. " _Granplei ste oden! Gyon yu au houm!_ " She turns on foot and leaves the secluded training area.

 

 

Lexa storms into her throne room where Titus and Indra talk in hushed voices. They take notice of Lexa, and their conversation drowns with silence. Lexa marches over to her war table, looking over her map. Her hands are behind her back, and her shoulders are held strong, but in reality, Lexa feels like she's breaking more and more with each passing second that Clarke is not in her arms.

Two days have passed and no soldiers have come with any news of Clarke. Not even dead leads. Her heart aches as she asks for maybe the billionth time, "Any news on Clarke?" her voice breaks ever-so-slightly, and she has to grip the table to keep herself somewhat level-headed. She prepares herself for the worst. It's all she can think, hearing another no.

So when Indra says, " _Sha Heda, em ste kik raun._ " Lexa almost registers it as something her mind has made up. She turns around with a furrowed bow, not getting her hopes up.

" _Gouva klin,_ " she growls, gritting her teeth. Her heart races, and she fears for whatever answer awaits her.

Titus steps closer to her. His hands are folded in front of him. "Just this morning a group of maybe ten men dressed as members of Trikru and Azgeda marched upon the gates of Arkadia. Kane said they used something called a traitor's phrase."

"How do we know Clarke is the one to send them?" Lexa quips.

" _The Griffin still flies,_ " Indra says, and Lexa remembers the phrase immediately. Lexa thought Clarke would have forgotten her windless joke. Lexa had been out with the Nightbloods, playing a ball-game with them, when Clarke had come down from the apartment to play with them. Lexa remembers looking up at her, all worn and tired from having the flu for nearly a weak, and saying, "So I see the griffin still flies?" She'd received an aggravated glare for the gibe, but she'd wasted no time in making up for it by greeting her love with a soft kiss and a strong hug.

Lexa remembers the memory fondly, and she feels the corners of her mouth turning up in a grin just thinking about it. But then she is reminded of the situation at hand, and her stature turns cold.

"Have we gotten any information from the prisoners?" she demands.

Indra shakes her head. "Skaikru still searches for one that escaped, and the several of the others poisoned themselves before they could be questioned. The one prisoner we do have does not seem to be of any sane state of mind, Heda."

Lexa nods. Her hands are shaking, and she tightens them into fists to try and hide it. "Titus," she hisses, "ready my horse. I leave for Arkadia immediately so that I can talk with this traitor personally."

Neither adviser questions her. Both just nod and leave Lexa alone in the throne room.

 

 

The candle went out a while ago, leaving the room dark and void of life. Clarke's aching body sags against the wooden base of her restraints. Noises echo from outside, but Clarke is too weak to feel afraid anymore. She doesn't know how much blood she's lost, but she knows that if Sybil makes it back, she won't be able to hold on for much longer.

For a long while, she drifts in and out of consciousness. Her mind falls to dreams and fantasies where she is with Lexa. Where they stand on the balcony of their apartment. Lexa is behind her, arms wrapped around her waist, head resting gently on her shoulder. Clarke feels safe and loved. She imagines the bark of a growing wolf as Abby and Kane walk into the home. Kane has a child in his arms. It's Clarke's baby sibling.

Heavy footsteps come from outside, and startles the fading girl from her dreams. The door is thrown open, and Clarke recognizes three silhouettes in the shadows. One she guesses to be Joron. Panic settles in the deepest pit of her stomach. _It didn't work,_ she thinks. _And now I'm going to die for it._

There's a slight commotion and the other two silhouettes fall to their knees. Then, Joron shouts, "Don't fucking move." Clarke doesn't think she's ever heard anyone this angry before. Not even Lexa.

One of the silhouettes — Joron, Clarke thinks — goes to the candle lantern on the table and places a new one inside, striking a match and illuminating the dark room. Now Clarke sees who the other two silhouettes belonged to.

Monty and Monroe. They're gagged, and their hands are tied behind their backs. Their eyes widen when they see Clarke. Monty tries to say her name, but Joron is quick to silence the boy with a sharp punch to the face. Clarke gasps at the crack the contact causes, and Monty falls against Monroe. She does what she can to keep him up, but it's clear that both are very weak and tired. Both are covered in cuts, bruises, and blood.

"So how about you explain to me why these two, along with several others, arrested the party of people I sent to _your_ city with _your_ passage-phrase?" Joron hollers at her. He has a large, bloody knife in his hand, and Clarke knows that he didn't escape without killing people. Killing _her_ people.

"I—"

"You what?" Joron shouts, cutting her off. He steps closer to Clarke, shoving Monty to the ground in the process. He makes no attempt to get back to his knees.

Joron holds the knife up to Clarke, pressing the blade to the underside of her jaw. She can feel the still warm and sticky blood wiping against her skin. Bile builds in her throat, and she closes her eyes to hide the building tears.

"You sent us into a trap, huh?" Joron hisses. "You knew we would get caught? _Killed?_ " With the last word, he cuts deep into the flesh of her jaw. Clarke gasps, feeling her blood mix with that of the dead. She's crying now, so full of fear. Not just for herself, but for her friends. For Monty and Monroe. She cannot be the reason they are hurt. She won't.

"I—I'm sorry," Clarke chokes out. "I was sca—"

_BANG!_

Monty's body lies even more motionless than before, blood seeping from a new, gaping hole in his head. She looks back to Joron who now brandishes an old world pistol in his opposite hand. It's rusty and looks like it shouldn't even work, and Clarke's eyes widen at the sight. She nearly screams, but Joron's voice silences her.

"Do you have anymore excuses to feed to me, _Wanheda?_ Because I will _gladly_ take more life to avenge those those you have cost me!" He uses the name as an attack, and it works because Clarke feels the title stab her in the gut. _Commander of Death,_ she thinks, _that's all I am. This is all I bring._ She thinks that she should have never returned to Lexa when she left the other day. She wonders if she'd still be in this situation if she had just left. If she had just returned to the woods to live in solitude once more. Would her friends and loved ones be safe?

Clarke's only answer to the man before her is a shake of her head. She looks at Monroe. An apology glitters in her tear-filled eyes.

Joron grunts. "Or how about I take this one to the next room." He points to Monroe with the gun. Clarke struggles against her restraints, begging him to not touch her, but Joron ignores her pleas, merely raising his voice to be heard over her. "Do with her whatever my will would have me do, but I would make sure she doesn't lie like _you_ do." He points to Clarke with the bloodied knife.

"Joron please," Clarke begs. "Don't do this! Let me fix this—"

" _You had your chance to cooperate!_ " he bellows with such power, Clarke feels her heart all but stop. She trembles before him, whimpering like a fucking coward. "I offered you a chance to die quickly with no consequences! And now you will listen to your friend die as she gives me what I need! I will burn not only your people, but I will make you watch the entire time. And when I am done with them, I will take you to Polis where you will watch as I skin and burn your precious fucking Commander!" His breathing is heavy, and he _smiles._ "And then… I will let you live."

"What?"

Joron's smile grows and he just shakes his head. "Oh yes, that would be the perfect punishment for you. Death would be to easy for the one who commands it… No, I want you to live a very long and very healthy life, knowing that it is all your fault that the ones you loved were murdered with no mercy. That they could have died easily, but instead… they will all suffer beneath my blade before their lives are ended."

 

 

Marcus meets Lexa at the front gate when she arrives. She is accompanied by Indra and a couple guards. Kane extends his arm in greeting as Lexa climbs down from her horse. Lexa grips his arm firmly. "Heda," he says, "these men came to the front gate of Arkadia yesterday, claiming to come in the name of Clarke.

"So I have heard." Lexa states, "And what of the two remaining traitors? Has the one been captured? Has the other been useful in giving information?"

Marcus shakes his head. "My soldiers have yet to report back, and the prisoner just keeps rambling about things that don't make sense." Marcus wipes a hand down his face and growls. "God, we're all so _useless_!" he kicks at the dirt. Lexa stands stoically.

"Take me to them. I will see what information I can gather from the prisoner."

Marcus looks at her. "Commander with all due respect—"

"You will do as commanded!" Lexa bellows suddenly, overtaken with emotion. It's so overwhelming that her eyes begin to water, but she does what she can to keep her cheeks dry. "This is the first lead we have had in finding Clarke, and no one, not even you, will stop me from tearing information from this _joken natrona!_ "

With a sigh, Marcus concedes, nodding his head towards the Ark fragment's main entrance. Lexa will never get used to the metallic, lifeless feeling she gets whenever she finds herself visiting this city. She's never understood how people could be so comfortable around so much metal and machinery. All around her she hears the whirring and popping and humming of what she thinks might be hundreds of machines. She isn't sure.

Lexa hears a voice as they turn the corner to a short hallway.

"…these bars would be perfect to tie someone to, don't you think?" says a shrill, giggling voice. It sends chills down Lexa's spine, especially the laugh that comes from the girl's lips.

"Leave us," Lexa orders to the two Skaikru guards as she approaches. They quickly nod, fleeing the hall. Lexa faces the girl with only hate in her eyes. The girl smiles.

Wants to let herself hope that this person — no matter how insane she might be — is the key to finding Clarke alive, but she can't. For all she knows, the traitor on the other side of the metal bars could have killed Clarke in one of the worst ways possible.

On the right-hand side of each of the girl's chest is the same symbol that was found on the cloth in Abby's mouth. Lexa's heart-rate picks up, knowing that this is definitely one of the people that is responsible for the murder of her future mother and the kidnappers her future wife. Lexa motions for Kane to open the door, and he does, punching in some code on a dial pad. A ring sounds and then Kane pulls the door open. Lexa draws her weapon and points it at the traitor who puts her hands up and backs away slowly. She sits on the far bench of the cell. Lexa remains standing, eying her quizzically.

"So you one of the traitors that have murdered and kidnapped those I was to call family, is this correct?" Lexa finally says. Her voice in steady, but she has to hold her fidgeting hands behind her back. Lexa approaches her slowly, sheathing her sword only to pull her knife from the sheath on her thigh.

Instead of speaking, the girl begins _laughing_ in the most vile way. The sound makes Lexa's skin crawl, and her anger grows. She steps forward punches the girl hard in the face and then the gut. The girl falls to the floor, holding her stomach but still laughing. " _You will answer to your Commander!_ " Lexa screams.

"That was such a fun trick, wasn't it?" the girl groans, pulling herself back up. She leans against the front of the bench. Her voice is mocking and filled with amusement. "Clarke made me believe that what she told us was true, but it _wasn't._ " The girl laughs again, shaking her head. "She really had me—"

Lexa punches the girl again and presses the dagger to her throat. " _Where the fuck is she?_ " Lexa demands, her voice dripping with a poisonous lust for blood. Her vision blurs red, and her body shakes with a blazing inferno of pure, unadulterated fury.

The girl purses her lips together and furrows her brow. "You know, I don't see why Clarke likes you—"

Another punch. " _TELL ME WHERE SHE IS!_ " Lexa screams, slamming the girl back against the bench. Her head hits the metal, and the girl winces. When she moves, blood remains.

The girl shakes her head and sighs. "Clarke was mean with her words, but _you_ are mean with your actions."

"Was," Lexa repeats. "What do you mean _was?_ "

The girl shrugs. "Was as in she _was_ mean to me, in the past." The girl narrows her eyes with actual confusion. "You speak English, shouldn't you know this?"

Losing her patience, Lexa grabs her hand and places it flat on the floor.

"Heda this isn't right!" Marcus tries to say but she ignores him, looking back at Indra who pulls him away from the scene. Lexa looks back to the girl.

"Tell me where she is or you start losing fingernails," Lexa says menacingly.

She raises an eyebrow. "Why would you take finger—"

Lexa stabs the tip of her dagger through the girl's fingernail, and she releases a blood curdling scream. "Where is Clarke?" Lexa asks again. When the girl only responds with noises of pain, Lexa presses her dagger deeper, twisting the blade. The girls shrieks deafen Lexa, and she feels sick at the sound. She pulls her knife away to hopefully give the girl times to breathe so that she can answer her questions.

"Are you ready to speak?"

"You sure know how to hurt people," the girl states. She grits her teeth, trying to keep hear voice calm. "And you obviously know how to make people scream when their in pain." The girl smiles sweetly. "You know, Clarke has really beautiful screams when I carve designs into her skin."

Lexa whole being seethes. "You have three seconds before I skin and burn you alive," Lexa bellows. Her voice fills the room. Never in her entire life has she _ever_ felt so much anger.

The girl sighs. "You know, I like Clarke, and you seem to have the same tastes in murder as I do, so I'm gonna help you out." Lexa looks at her, hating the girl for her words but awaiting her answer all the same. "She's in the old reaper tunnels beneath what's left of Mount Weather… well, she should be there," the girl says as if she's unsure about her answer.

"What do you mean she _should_ be there?"

The girl shrugs. "They're _reaper_ tunnels. Some of the reapers still wander around there, and I can't exactly remember if I locked the door to her cell or not." The girl laughs. "Man, how unfortunate would that be if I decided to help you out of the goodness in my heart, and you found her being eaten by a _r—_ "

Lexa moves her arm in a swift movement, and the girl is silenced.

A dagger protrudes from the girl's eye socket, and her head dangles lifelessly. She pulls her dagger out and turns to Indra who still remains in the hallway behind her. "Get our horses ready and send word to our army," Lexa orders. "I want everyone currently looking for Clarke to be in those reaper tunnels, searching every ince until she is found!" Indra nods and quickly leaves. Kane is quick to replace her presence. He notices the girl's dead body, and Lexa notices him deflate.

"I am sorry Marcus. There was no other way."

He shakes his head. "There are always other ways, but sometimes, for the ones we love, we have to take the paths that feel wrong." Lexa blinks, taking small comfort in his words. "I'll gather guards in Arkadia for guns against any reapers, and we still have a few tone generators as well," Marcus adds.

Lexa nods to him. "Thank you."

He shakes his head, pulling a wooden ring from his pocket. "I wanted to make Clarke and Abby my family as well." He presses his lips into a line and hesitantly offers it to Lexa. "Please give this to Clarke."

"Marcus, I—"

"Please," he says, looking at her with such sadness in his eyes, "I—I'd planned on giving it to Abby after talking to Clarke at the festival, but…" He shakes his head again, eyes watering. "If I can't give it to Abby, then I want Clarke to have it from you." His eyes beg her to accept the gift. "You don't even have to tell her it's from me. I just want to know that it's in good hands."

Lexa takes the ring and looks it over in her hand. She looks back to Marcus with a gratefulness that she could never express in words. "I am humbled by this gift," she says. "And I swear to honor it with all the love that I hold for Clarke for the rest of my life."

Marcus smiles sadly. "Now let's go get her back."

 

 

Monroe's screams have been silent for a while now, and Clarke thinks the worst. Monroe was so young. She was strong, but no one is strong enough to survive the kind of angry torture Joron must've put her through. Clarke wants to cry. She wants to call for help, but she knows that it would do nothing more than find her in more pain. So, selfishly, she remains silent.

After a while, her door opens, and Joron steps inside. He is covered in blood, and Clarke feels like she wants to vomit. Her mom, Monty, and now Monroe… They're all dead. And who knows who else could be dead because of her. She almost wants to beg him to kill her. TO free her conscience, but she knows he would never be so merciful.

"Come," Joron says harshly, stepping closer and freeing her of her bindings. Her body falls limp into him. She's too weak to try and put up a struggle. "It seems that Sybil gave away our position for sport."

"What does that mean?" Clarke asks groggily as he scoops her into his arms, carrying her bridal-style.

"It means that either I die and you're saved, or you get your wish to die, and I kill you in front of your beloved Heda before escaping these tunnels by myself."

 

* * *

 

Trigedasleng Translations:

"Kom war gon ai niron." — To war for my love.

"Ai laik yu Heda, en yu na hod yu rein daun!" — I am your Commander, and you will mind your place!

"Granplei ste oden! Gyon yu au houm!" — Training is over! Go home!

"Sha Heda, em ste kik raun." — Yes Commander, she still lives.

"Gouva klin." — Explain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! If any of you wanna talk just hmu @slogenheda on Tumblr.


	6. Din Bash Em Op

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Lexa get to Clarke in time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this chapter took longer than expected, and is a lot shorter than I thought it would be because I decided I liked where it ends at (sorry!) Also just a few things:  
> 1) I know that there are technicalities with the reapers and their addiction to their drug probably killing them all by now, but we're just going to ignore that bc I felt like it  
> 2) I'll try to update more often, but I just got a new job so I'm not sure how often that will be  
> 3) Once again I'm sorry for this chapter...

The tunnels are dark. Even with the help of Skaikru's small light devices, Lexa can barely see two feet ahead of her. Her heart pounds in her chest, and all of her thoughts are with how Clarke must be right now. How afraid she must be. How Lexa couldn't protect her like she'd promised she could.

Lexa shakes her head, trying to focus only on the only sound echoing through the tunnels: boots crunching through the gravel of the tunnel. She draws her sword, using it as a comfort and an anchor to reality. The action startles the group.

"What is it, Heda?" Indra asks, drawing her own sword.

Lexa blinks, glancing to her adviser. She shakes her head, sheathing her sword once more. "Sorry."

Indra stops, and Lexa pauses to look at her with concern. In turn, the rest of the group stops, looking to their Heda for direction. Indra nods to them, " _Lufa Wanheda au._ " The warriors nod and continue their trek down the main trail.

"Indra what—"

"Heda, I do understand your worry," Indra says.

"Indra," Lexa says in a warning tone, already knowing what her adviser is about to say.

"You are distracted."

"I am _fine._ "

Indra pauses, looking at Lexa harshly. Lexa sets her jaw, meeting the woman's glare with an equal intensity. "Do not forget who comes first," Indra warns. " _Our_ people come first, and you must prepare yourself for _every_ possibility when we find her."

Lexa flexes and unflexes her fists. Every nerve in her body wants to punch Indra. Punish her for her horrible words about Clarke, but the logical part of her knows that doing that would only cause a quarrel where there needn't be one.

She takes a breath. "You may not consider Clarke your people, but she is _my_ people, and I will fight to my dying breath to have her back in my arms."

Indra swallows hard, gritting her teeth. A part of Lexa understands what the elder warrior is saying. She knows that if any other one person had been taken, she would never have been so invested in saving them. But then her heart tells her that this is right because Clarke is right for her— _their_ people. Clarke is a leader, just as she is, and she makes Lexa feel like she can be the kind and gentle leader that she's always wanted to be.

A yelp of pain down a nearby tunnel breaks the women's tension. Without another word, Lexa pulls her weapon and hurries towards the sound with Indra trailing close behind her.

 

_ _

 

She blind. After leaving the torture chamber Joron wrapped a cloth over her eyes. They've been walking for hours, and her legs and body ache and burn. Her captor has to practically drag her along with him.

"Move it," he growls, trying to nudge her forward, but the action only causes her to stumble and fall to the ground. She tries to catch herself, but when her forearms collide with the gravel and dirt below, she cries out in agony. She can feel some of her wounds reopen, and once again she feels the familiar and sickening warmth of her own blood seeping from her body. Clarke breathes heavily, and she feels dizzy and cold. She doesn't try to move.

Joron nudges her legs with his foot. "Get up, Sky Girl." After a moment, Clarke hears the familiar click of a gun. Her survival instincts kick in, telling her that she doesn't really want to die, but she's too broken to listen. She wants to rest. She wants to sleep. She wants to hear the small explosion that comes from that weapon, signaling her final end.

"I'm going to give you three seconds before I end your life," Joron warns. Clarke closes her eyes, falling in and out of consciousness. She figures she might just die of blood loss before Joron even gets to three. "One…"

Her conscious mind falls to her mom and dad. Both gone too soon. She thinks of watching soccer games with her dad and Wells. How she'd always pick fun at them for getting so involved with sports games that had taken place nearly a century before. She remembers Jake teaching her a few soccer moves in their apartment with a broken space helmet that he took from Sinclair.

She thinks about all the lessons she had gotten from her mother about healing and saving lives. Her heart breaks to think of how much death she has caused in turn. She knows Abby never remotely help a grudge against her for actions she took in the past to save the ones she loves, but it still hurts to know that she had disappointed her mother with some of the choices she made.

"Two…"

She remembers Wells and Finn and Monty and Monroe and all of the people she befriended when the hundred were shot down to the ground. She thinks about swimming with Finn and seeing the glowing forest for the first time with him.

She remembers when Octavia had shown her and Monroe how to properly ride a horse, and thinks of when she almost fell off when Monroe's horse bucked and threw her onto her back. She doesn't think she'd even laughed so hard in her life.

She thinks about sweet Monty. How smart and gentle he'd been, and how he was the hero to their people that no one acknowledged. His mind was the one to make contact with Ark and the mind that had figures out ways to save as many of the forty-seven in Mount Weather as he could.

Then she thinks of Wells. His kind smile. His brave heart. She knows he had loved her, but she never loved him in the way he wanted her to. He was like her brother when they were growing up on the Ark. He always defended her and traded his things to get her art supplies. In return she drew him pictures of the ground and pictures of a home they always dreamed of having.

"Three…"

Lastly, she thinks of Lexa. The woman who was supposed to be her wife, but now she knows that will never happen. She wishes she had the strength to get up and fight for her life. To live and see Lexa's green eyes gaze at her again. To see her gentle smile or hear her quiet laugh. She wants to feel the gentle caress of Lexa's calloused, war-hardened hands over her skin. She wants to remember what it's like to feels Lexa tremble beneath her own fingers as she traces the length of her various tattoos.

Her fingers slide down to her pocket where Abby's ring remains, and her heart aches. Tears fill her eyes. She wants to live for the woman she loves. She wants to give her heart to her in front of their people. She wants to have kids and grow old with her.

But she has no more energy left in her to fight. Her head is spinning. Her breathing is more shallow.

"I'm sorry, my love," Clarke whispers with a weak, trembling voice. She quietly sobs, and Joron laughs bitterly at her.

" _Wanheda,_ " he spits. "You're no legend. You're just a pathetic little Sky rat." Another laugh. "It gives me great satisfaction to know that."

Clarke braces herself for the bullet, tears falling down her cheeks. Her body already feels to heavy, and just before she loses consciousness again—

_BANG!_

_ _

 

Lexa and Indra turn around the corner of the tunnel, and sees them. Clarke lying on the ground, unmoving. Even from this distance, Lexa can tell she has been battered and beaten, and her heart fills with red-hot anger. A man stands over her with a gun drawn. His back is to the two grounder women, and they can hear is low voice echo through the tunnel.

" _Wanheda._ You're no legend. You're just a pathetic little Sky rat." The man lets out a menacing laugh. "It gives me great satisfaction to know that." Lexa's heart jumps into her throat. She knows she's too far away to stop this man from shooting Clarke if she tries anything, but she'll be damned if she just stands here and watches him kill her.

She draws her knife, pulls back her arm, ready to throw when:

_BANG!_

Lexa gasps, falling forward onto her knees. For a second, she feels like her whole world has come to an end, when the man is the one to fall, landing atop Clarke's still unmoving body. Lexa looks up to see Indra holding a pistol. The elder warrior lowers the weapon, and looks to her shocked commander. She offers Lexa a reassuring grin.

"A gift from Marcus of the Sky People." She pulls open a flap of her armor over her chest and reveals a hidden holster. She places the gun back within, and offers her a hand to help Lexa to her feet.

The leader quickly takes it, still shocked that of all her advisers, Indra is the first one she's seen use a gun. She herself has yet to take that leap of faith and use one, no matter how many times Clarke has insisted on wanting to teach her how.

 _Clarke,_ Lexa thinks, her few seconds of shock ending, and she turns, bounding down to the two bodies lying on the ground. Lexa drags the man's body from Clarke's and rolls her onto her back. It's then that Lexa sees the true extent to Clarke's injuries.

Her shirt and pants are littered with holes and blood. Lexa notices a large, angry wound in Clarke's left hand. Her drawing hand. Tears fill Lexa's eyes seeing Clarke in such a way. " _Ai niron,_ " she whimpers softly, pulling Clarke's closer to her own. She notices then how cold Clarke is, but she shallow rise and fall of her chest fills Lexa's heart with a slight relief. But only slight.

At the opposite end of the tunnels, Lexa sees the light of a fire. "Reapers," she breathes.

" _Indra, sis ai au!_ " Lexa shouts, lifting Clarke into her arms. She feels so light and lifeless.

Indra hurries forward. "Heda let me," she says, holding her arms out to take Clarke. "You are the better warrior." Lexa shakes her head vigorously. She just got Clarke back in her grasp. She can't let her go now.

"You have the gun, the radio, and the flashlight," Lexa says fiercely. "Signal the others and tell them we've found Clarke, and tell them about the reapers."

Indra nods, and they hurry back down the way they came.

As they run, Indra pulls out her radio and presses a button on the side. " _Osir don hon Wanheda op en osir ste don masta ripa op!_ " It takes only a minute to find their way back to the main tunnel, but they find no others waiting for them.

"How deep into the tunnels are you?" comes the voice of Marcus through the radio.

Indra looks to Clarke and then replies, "Too far. Clarke is severely wounded, and she has lost much blood."

There's a shout from behind them and Lexa turns to see a reaper lunging at her. She narrowly dodges him only to be met with the sound of a firing gun, and the reaper falls dead. Two more reapers follow suit, and Indra fires five more shots to kill the pair. As another comes, the weapon clicks to signal it is empty.

"Indra run!" Lexa shouts, and the warrior doesn't hesitate to do just that. Lexa stays on her tail, hearing the menacing growls and hollers of the reapers chasing them. She doesn't look behind to see how close they are. Lexa's arms begin to grow tired from carrying Clarke's full weight while running, but she pushes herself on.

"Heda, this way!" Indra says, grabbing Lexa by the arm and pulling her down a narrow tunnel.

Lexa sees a dim light coming from a doorway a couple hundred feet down. The pair runs into the room, closing the door behind them. Indra quickly grabs a nearby chair and slams it tightly between the door handle and the ground.

While she does that, Lexa looks around the room before them. Besides the table and lantern, all that this room holds is a fillet post with the dead body of a young girl hanging from it.

Indra looks up and notices the girl. Her eyes grow wide. "Monroe," she says gravely.

"You know her?"

"She is of Skaikru. She was with the first Sky People to come to the ground in the drop-ship."

Lexa's heart sinks. She was one of Clarke's friends, and she didn't even know her. She looks to the girl again, and wonders if this is the same place Clarke was held for days. She swallows, wondering if Clarke was forced to watch as that man tortured one of her own.

"Cut her down," Lexa orders, turning her back to the body and setting Clarke down. She takes off her shoulder guard and wraps her sash around it, gingerly lifting Clarke's head and placing it beneath. She places a soft hand over Clarke's cheek, running her thumb over her pale skin. She leans forward, touching her forehead to Clarke's, trying to give her strength to the fading girl.

" _Ste yuj, ai niron. Beja nou ban ai op,_ " she whispers.

"Heda," Indra says, "Marcus has sent a group of soldiers to find us, but I do not know how long that will take. We must cauterize Clarke's wounds if she is to have any chance at surviving."

Lexa pulls away and nods. "I will do it."

"Commander, I—"

She shakes her head. "I will do it," she repeats more fiercely than before. She goes to the table, grabs the small lantern, and pulls out her dagger. Indra watches silently as Lexa waits for the blade to heat.

"Hold her down," Lexa commands. Her voice is shaking, and her hands tremble. Never in her life did she ever think that she would have to do this to Clarke. To cause her pain to save her. As she waits for the blade to heat, she rips open Clarke's already tattered shirt, and she sees to the full extent of just how much these villains have harmed her.

Only two cuts bleed fresh blood, but there are maybe a dozen others that cover her skin. Many are bright and angry, and Lexa knows that that means her cuts have become infected. There are bugs both dead and alive covering and crawling over her skin.

Lexa rips a few large pieces of cloth from her trailing armor. She uses them to clean the wounds as much as she can. She is careful as she dabs the blood away, and Indra continues to watch her leader silently from Clarke's other side.

She notices the blade glowing orange and she pulls it from the small flame. Her hand is noticeably shaking now, and Indra reaches out, touching her leader's arm comfortingly. "Pull strength by knowing this will save her," she says.

Lexa nods and takes a breath. Then she presses the blade onto the first, smaller cut. Immediately Clarke's body convulses and she shrieks in pain. Lexa keeps the blade there for a few seconds before pulling it away and placing it back into the flame to heat again for the next wound.

Clarke falls back to the ground, her breathing still shallow. Her face is scrunched in pain, and Lexa touches her cheek again. "I'm sorry," she whispers, unsure if Clarke can actually hear her or not. She pulls the blade out again and presses it to the next wound. Once again, Clarke convulses and screams. Indra holds her down the whole time, making sure no other wounds open.

Lexa repeats the process one more time before letting Clarke rest. Indra leaves her side to go back to the radio to see how long Marcus will be, but Lexa only moves to switch out her shoulder guard with her lap. She strokes Clarke's long hair, leaning down and presses a kiss the to girl's forehead. She whispers sweet nothings against her skin about how much she loves her, and begging her to stay strong.

"Lex?" a weak voice says, and Lexa opens her eyes to see two small oceans staring up at her. Tears fill Lexa's eyes, and she smiles for the first time in days.

"I see the griffin still flies," she says, choking back tears.

Clarke's lower lip trembles as she tries to lift her right hand, but she's not strong enough. Lexa reaches out and lifts the hand herself, pulling it to her cheek as if to silently say, _I'm here. It's really me._ Clarke closes her eyes at the contact, tears falling from her eyes.

"I'm so sorry," she says.

Lexa shakes her head. "You mustn't be sorry for anything. You did nothing wrong."

Clarke shakes her head. "More people are dead—"

"Because a vile, wretched _branwada_ killed them," Lexa finishes, wiping away Clarke's tears. She kisses the girl's forehead again. "You are not at fault here," she whispers against Clarke's skin. "We have avenged those we've lost."

Clarke closes her eyes tightly. "My mom," she sobs, and Lexa gently squeezes her hand, not knowing what she could possibly say to make Clarke feel any better. "She wasn't even supposed to die," Clarke says. "He— he said she was just collateral due to Sybil's insanity."

"Sybil?"

"The girl that—" she chokes on her sobs and tries to curl in on herself, but the pain of her wounds stops her.

"Shhh," Lexa coos, knowing that this Sybil person is the girl she killed for information. "You are safe. You are okay. They are all gone. All dead. No one else is going to hurt you, okay?"

Clarke nods, but says no more. Her head falls lip and her breathing goes shallow and limp again. Lexa nudges her a little. "Clarke you have to stay awake," Lexa urges, but she receives no response. She shakes her a little harder this time. "Clarke!" she shouts.

Lexa looks to Indra urgently. " _Where is Marcus?_ "

She's answered with the sound of guns firing outside the door, and the voice of Marcus shouting, "Search the room with the light!"

Indra is at the door instantly, pulling the chair away. She tosses it away and pulls the door open. Armed Skaikru soldiers rush into the room. The one leading the group sees Clarke and shouts, "Bring a stretcher!"

Moments later two healers rush in and approach Lexa and Clarke. Lexa's instincts tell her not to let these people take her, but she knows that Clarke's people have the best healers of all the clans. She is in good hands with them so she hesitantly allows them to place her onto the stretcher. She whimpers a little as they move her, and Lexa quickly grabs her hand, picking up her shoulder guard with her other.

" _Ai laik hir, Klark,_ " she says.

"Commander we are taking her back to Arkadia," the head soldier says. Lexa just nods, staying by Clarke's side as they hurry out of the room. A couple other soldiers enter the room to retrieve Monroe's body.

As soon as Marcus catches sight of them, he nods to her and shouts, "I want seven of you escorting the Commander and Clarke back to Arkadia, and the rest of you to search the rest of these rooms for Monty and the others that are!"

Three Skaikru, two Azgeda, and two Trikru warriors break away from the group Marcus has with him. Skaikru leads with their lights and guns while the others take up the rear with Indra. Lexa looks to Clarke as they run and squeezes her hand. _Just hold on_ , she pleads.

 

* * *

 

 

Trigedasleng Translations:

"Din bash em op." — Don't harm her.

"Lufa Wanheda au." — Find the Commander of Death.

"Indra, sis ai au!" — Indra help me!

"Osir don hon Wanheda op en osir ste don masta ripa op!" — We found the Commander of Death, but we're being followed by Reapers!

"Ste yuj, ai niron. Beja nou ban ai op." — Be strong, my love. Please don't leave me.

"Ai laik hir, Klark," — I am here, Clarke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading! I hope you liked it, and you can always talk to me @slogenheda on Tumblr!


	7. Beja

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It pains Lexa to see Clarke in this unconscious state, but maybe something will give her just a little bit of hope...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all finally get some happiness again in this chapter :D (we'll just see if that joy lasts hehe)

It's been four days since they returned from the reaper tunnels with Clarke, and Lexa just about never leaves her side. The longest time she spent away from her was when she was being treated for her wounds. According to Marcus and the leading healer, Jackson, Clarke needed four different blood transfusions after going into septic shock. Once she was stable, they closed her wounds, and bound her hand. According to Jackson, she may never regain full movement in her hand, and when she'd asked — or demanded rather violently — what could be done to heal Clarke fully, he'd only responded with just having hope. That didn't settle with her very well, and she had to be restrained by Marcus and three of her own warriors.

Since then, she's simply stayed with Clarke, waiting for her to wake. Her breathing is steady and the machines they have her hooked up to constantly beep, telling Lexa that Clarke is alive, and right now, it's all that she can wish to have.

Lexa looks over Clarke's sleeping face. _She's so calm and beautiful,_ she thinks, holding Clarke's unbound hand in her own. She interlocks their fingers, tracing circles with her thumb over Clarke's soft skin. "You know," Lexa whispers to her sweetly, forcing a smile to hold back her tears, "Sonraun has missed you." Lexa swallows hard, remembering how she had heard the creature crying at night from the guest room she stayed in. She had Indra taking care of the animal, but no one could ever compare to Clarke. "She hasn't eaten a proper meal since the last time she saw you." Lexa's jaw trembles, and she knows she's not only talking about the puppy anymore. "She hasn't slept, and she hasn't been able to stay in our apartment without crying." Tears fall from Lexa's eyes, and she lifts Clarke's warm hand and holds it between both of her own, resting her forehead against her fists. " _Beja, ai niron, komba raun gon ai. Thau yu, ai laik kwelen._ "

She bites her lip when she shifts and feels the ring Marcus gave her in her pocket. Hesitantly, she pulls the ring out with a sad smile. “Marcus gave this to me for you. He was going to give it to Abby, but…” her voice trails off. She keeps her focus to the ring, turning it over in her hand.

Lexa’s eyes return to watch the sleeping girl. “I want to give you everything,” she whispers, slipping the ring back into her pocket. “I want to learn all about your traditions, but… you have to wake up.”

"Heda?" Lexa doesn't move as Indra pulls up a chair to sit beside Lexa. The elder warrior has been the only reason Lexa is still standing. Without her, she would not even get the few bites of food she can force herself to eat per day. "Has she moved at all today?"

Lexa shakes her head. "Have you and Marcus finished making the preparations for the ones who died while trying to save her?"

"Do not worry about that," Indra says, nudging Lexa's side. She turns to see the offering of a cut-up apple. A part of her almost laughs at the thought that Indra thinks she cannot even cut up her own food, but the sight of it only makes her feel sick.

"I am not hungry," Lexa lies. They both know damn well that she is actually starving, but any time she eats, she just feels like she's going to vomit.

"Lexa," Indra says with an edge to her voice. "You must keep your strength if not for anyone else, do it for Clarke."

Lexa clenches her teeth, trying to fend off another wave of tears. "I _can't._ Without her, everything I do feels _wrong._ " She sniffs and looks to Clarke's sleeping face. "I have given her everything that which makes me strong." Then she looks to Indra who still holds the plate of apple slices. "If she never wakes…" Tears stream down her cheeks, and she allows herself to quietly sob before the older warrior.

Indra is silent as she sets the plate of apples on the bed, pats Lexa's shoulder, and then leaves the infirmary, but her presence is quickly replaced by that of Clarke's friends, Raven, Lincoln, and Octavia. Lexa is quick to hide her grief before them, and she notices that the group brings a bundle of wild river-flowers. They are vibrant and infused with reds, oranges, blues, and pinks. Lexa had first offered a few of the flowers to Clarke because of the belief that the flowers held healing powers within them, and Lexa wanted to give her something that represented who she really is: a girl that can heal. Clarke had cried upon receiving them, being so used to being referred to as a killer or a bringer of death, Lexa just wanted to remind her of who she really is.

However, Lexa has only ever known the flowers to be found near the river of Polis. She looks to them quizzically, and Lincoln is the one to respond.

"We had a warrior from Polis fetch these for her," he says, bowing his head respectfully. "The man said he had recalled you telling him they are her favorite." She almost blushes at the thought that she would ask her guards to find those flowers so often that they remember which flowers are Clarke's favorite.

Lincoln sets the flowers at the foot of Clarke's bed and bows, " _Ai ron ai uf op gon disha gona._ " Octavia kneels beside him and repeats the same. Raven, however, stands back as the offering takes place. Lexa looks at her and realizes almost immediately that she is holding back a wave of grief and anguish. She looks at Clarke with so much pain and sorrow.

"Is she going to wake up?" Raven finally asks, her voice quiet and shattered. Lincoln and Octavia stand and look at her in silence, no one sure what to say.

"She's strong, Ray," Octavia offers with a tight squeeze of her arm. "And even so, the Clarke Griffin we know is too damn stubborn to die."

"Heda," Lincoln says, "if there is anything we can do-"

"I could not ask for more of you. Any of you," Lexa replies, trying her best to sound distant and unattached to the situation and only half-succeeding. Lincoln nods respectfully, and he and Octavia leave the infirmary. Raven stays in her spot, merely staring at Clarke.

Finally, her lower lip trembles, and tears spill over her eyelids. "She's all I have left," Raven whimpers, holding herself tightly. "Abby, Monty, and Monroe are all gone. Finn has been gone for a while now." Her body visibly trembles, and Lexa sympathizes with the girl, knowing her pain. So she gives the girl a single, slow nod, to let her know that she carries a similar weight of grief and loss.

“What if she never wakes up?” Raven asks to no one in particular, and Lexa looks to the girl she loves with the same worry in her heart.

“I don’t know,” is the only thing she can think to say.

 

 

"Heda it is time."

Lexa looks up to see Aron approaching her. His eyes are soft when he looks at her. Lexa's grip on Clarke's hand tightens, and she feels her heart ache. She doesn't want to leave Clarke's side. However illogical it might be, she is afraid she might lose her again if she does.

"I will look after her," Aron says. "If she wakes, I will send for you immediately." He rounds the bed and kneels before his leader. "But right now, your people need you to honor them. To honor the ones fallen in your love's name."

Lexa lowers her head, ashamed and guilty. She doesn't wish to face her people. Right now, she doesn't _care_ that her people might need her. All she wants to do is be here for Clarke. No one else matters. She knows she's not supposed to feel like that. She's Heda. Her duties come before her heart. That's how it's supposed to be.

But the day Lexa gave her heart to Clarke was the day she lost all control over decisions like that because that day, Clarke became her one and only priority, and if it came to it, Lexa would let the world burn before letting Clarke leave her arms. Especially now that she knows what it feels like to almost lose her forever.

"Heda, please," Aron says, "Without your blessing, the warriors lost will not receive the burial they deserve in serving you. In fighting for you." He rests one of his gentle hands on Lexa's knee. "We no longer come before Clarke, this is something I understand." Lexa looks at him with surprise. If the ambassadors and clan leaders where to hear of this, they would surely have her killed.

Aron laughs at her expression. "I do understand how love works, Heda," he jokes with a slight grin. "My love for Tulfit will always win over anything and anyone else, but when I know he is safe and protected," Aron nudges Lexa's leg, "I still at least pretend to put my duties before him."

She smiles a little then and nods. "I suppose you are right." She looks back to Clarke. "If nothing else, I will do it to thank those lost for returning _ai niron_ back to my arms."

The gentle guard nods. " _Sha, Heda."_

_ _

 

Lexa stands atop a small podium with her head held high and her hands behind her back. In front of her is a pyre with several bodies of the members of Skaikru that died by the hands of Clarke's captors. Two of Clarke's friends, Monty and Monroe, included.

Surrounding her, just outside the walls of Arkadia, are several hundred warriors from both Trikru and Azgeda — courtesy of King Roan's undoubted loyalty to Lexa, and his respect for Clarke. The warriors form a circle around the members of Skaikru who decided to attend the ceremony. Many cry, mourning the loss of their own. Some appear angry, but the sadness within the air overtakes everything else.

Lexa feels guilt and sorrow in seeing this. These people died due to her own selfish feelings for Clarke, but she swallows those thoughts down. How she feels doesn't matter right now because she is Heda, and she is here to honor these fallen warriors. To show how thankful she really is to each of them for returning Clarke to her.

"To the people of Arkadia," Lexa says boldly, looking upon her subjects evenly, "and to the warriors of Trikru and Azgeda that protect this city. Today we celebrate the ones lost in the heroic rescue of our mighty Wanheda." Lexa takes a breath, trying to keep her voice from wavering with emotion. "But not only did we save the Destroyer of the Mountain from the hands of an enemy, we saved one of our own people. A woman whom the people of Polis and the people of the thirteen clans all know and cherish because of her ability to heal and her ability to care for everyone she has the opportunity to meet. For myself, these warriors saves a woman for whom I am lucky enough to have the chance to wed and have rule and fight beside me forever."

Lexa looks over the faces of the warriors and the workers and the children that stare at her with so much hope and so much trust, but then she looks to the pyre. To each, unmoving body that's been wrapped with cloth. She steps off the small platform and kneels before the mournful structure. Surprised murmurs ripple through the crowd because the Commander is never supposed to bow to anyone, not even respected warriors who've fallen in battle, but Lexa ignores them as she whispers a simple promise, meant for only the dead to hear.

"To the members of Skaikru whose lives were stolen from them all too soon, I owe you my everything, and though I cannot repay you personally, a swear upon all the love I hold for Clarke Griffin that I will protect all those you have been forced to leave behind. Without you, I might have lost the only person I hold dearest to my heart, and I will spend the rest of my life and my reign revering your service and doing everything in my power to make your loss mean something."

The leader stands again and turns to take the flame from Marcus who still stands beside the platform. She steps atop it once more to address the people, and immediately the murmurs and whispers fall to silence. " _Kru kom Arkadia. Raun faya, oso wada klin laudnes-de kom fotaim._ " She remembers the last time she repeated these ceremonial words in TonDC. She remembers how gutted she felt then, and she feels the familiar emotion now. As she leans the flame forward and lights the first flame she adds, " _Yu gonplei ste oden._ "

The crowd is quick to repeat the solemn words. As guards step in to light the rest of the pyre, a man pushes through the crowd. An Azgeda warrior. His head is held high and arrogant. Lexa watches him suspiciously, waiting for the man to speak. Azgeda has had no open quarrel with Skaikru since she killed Queen Nia, but she knows there are still a few that remain faithful to their fallen leader.

The man looks to Lexa and then turns to address the crowd. " _Ai loda bro, en ai loda sis. Disha gona kom Skaikru laik ridiyo bosh gona, en ai na otaim spek daun gon disha gona._ " Then the man turns and kneels before the burning pyre just as Lexa had. A moment passes and then one by one, the whole crowd falls to their knees in respect for the ones lost. Lexa looks around and notices a small group of Sky People standing off to the side, crying.

"Their families," Marcus says simply. "Before the ceremony, a few of them expressed concern about how Azgeda and Trikru would react to our people receiving a proper burial ceremony from you."

Lexa keeps her eyes trained on the families until some of them notice her, and she ever so slightly nods to them to let them know that their loved ones will not be forgotten.

 

 

It's after dark by the time Lexa is able to return to Clarke's bedside. Hours she had spent with her people. She had talked with them. Grieved with them. Rid them of their tears. As she draws near to the entrance to the main building of Arkadia, one little Skaikru boy, maybe three or four by the looks of him, comes running into Lexa at full force, crying beyond all belief.

"Please, Heda," he begs through his sobs. "The warriors say you are almighty and strong."

Lexa kneels to meet his eye-level and wipes away his tears with gentle fingers. The boy gasps and buries his head into her chest. "My momma was taken," he whimpers, taking her shirt into his fists. "She is one of the ones you called a hero, but I don't want her to be a hero." He pulls away and looks at her with red, swollen eyes. He rubs them with his fists. "Please, Heda. Can you please bring her back?"

The request feels like it breaks something within her and takes all of her will to be the strong leader the boy believes her to be, but at the same time, she can only lower her head in shame. "I am not that kind of strong, young one," she tells the boy. "I cannot bring your mother back to you."

The hope in the boy's eyes shatters and he steps closer, tears streaming from his eyes again. "Please, please… I just want my momma. I promise I will listen to her more and share my toys more—" he hiccups a sob and falls into her. "Please, it's my fault she's gone."

"How could you say such a thing?" Lexa demands rather harshly of him, to which the boy's response is sad and distant.

"I didn't give her a hug or tell her I loved her before she left because I was still sleeping," the boy cries. "I—I should have been awake to tell her so that she would have known that I wanted her to come home again."

The words bring tears to Lexa's eyes, and all she can do was bring the boy into a tight embrace as he continues to beg her for something she knows she could never give the boy. He buries his face into her chest and cries until Marcus sees the scene and sends another Skaikru woman to retrieve the grieving boy.

"His father was killed in the Culling on the Ark," Marcus explained to her solemnly, once the boy is gone.

"He has no one else?" she asks, remembering when Clarke had told her that people on the Ark were limited to only one child because of resource restrictions.

Marcus only sighs at her question. "We are unfortunately accustomed to children being orphaned. I am sure another family will take him in." Marcus's head hangs with anger and disappointment. "Angela was a terrific mother, but unfortunately, she was not well liked among everyone else because of how protective she was of Stephen. She was so afraid of the rules on the Ark taking someone from her family, and because of that, the boy has no friends or anyone who really knows him… He really is alone now." The Skaikru leader takes another breath and offers Lexa a half-hearted smile. “I am sure we can find someone to raise him. We always do.”

Then he leaves her to be with his people. To grieve the loss of the woman he loves just as Stephen grieves the loss of his mother. Thinking of this, Lexa only wishes to be with the woman she almost lost, so she turns and enters the building, travelling the lifeless and metallic walls until she finds herself in the infirmary again.

When Aron sees her, he only nods and leaves. Lexa feels so tired when she sits in the chair on the right-hand side of Clarke’s bed, and even with Clarke laying right here, she’s never felt so alone.

Hours pass and the encounter with Stephen still haunts every reach of Lexa's mind. She hates the situation. She hates that little Stephen is alone. She hates that people are suffering and grieving. The thoughts become too overwhelming as she sits beside Clarke on this night, and she just quietly begins to cry, burying her face into Clarke's stomach, trying to find any kind of comfort and solace from the unresponsive girl.

"I feel so much pain," Lexa whispers. "But it's the kind of pain that I cannot ignore." She grimaces, releasing an ugly sob. "I am so lost, Clarke, and I don't know how to find my way again."

 

 

Her body feels heavy. Like she's been covered with cement, but she knows that's not true. She can feel every time Lexa holds her unmoving hand, kisses her forehead, cries against her side. She can feel and hear just about everything, but no matter how hard she tries, she just can't wake up.

Clarke's heard people come in and out of the infirmary for days. Her friends, Marcus, Indra, but the only one she knows to constantly be there is Lexa. The girl has been by her side probably even before she regained semi-consciousness. She hears Indra fuss over her like a distressed parent, and she hears how Lexa dismisses her every time.

But the worst is when she hears Lexa cry. She does it just about every night, begging Clarke to come back to her. Every time she wants to move. To open her eyes. To just do something to tell her that she's here and that she's okay, but every time she remains frozen.

She heard Lexa cry over a little boy named Stephen who lost his mother, Angela. Clarke remembers them from the Ark. Angela had been kind to her when she and Wells would play with the boy while she was at work. She had trusted few to her son. The only reason she had trusted Clarke and Wells with her son was because of their stature on the Ark as part of the higher-ranked families. Clarke thinks Angela might've felt that she could protect the boy from the possibility of being floated one day. Little did she know then that Clarke couldn't even protect her own father from the same fate.

So now, as Clarke still lies unmoving, she can hear Lexa's gentle breathing and feel the weight of the girl's head atop her stomach. She uses the little energy to once more try to move her hand, and succeeds in just barely brushing her thumb over Lexa's soft skin. _I'm here,_ she tries to say, but the room remains silent.

 

 

Lexa wakes to the feeling of a gentle thumb slowly running over the back of her hand. Without thinking, she smiles and snuggles closer to the body she currently uses as a pillow. "Good morning, _ai niron,_ " she mumbles.

" _Sonop,_ Lexa," Clarke's quiet, dry voice says.

Suddenly she remembers everything that's happened within the last two weeks, and her head shoots up. She finds Clarke staring at her with so much love and adoration. That alone brings tears to Lexa's eyes, and she feels her heart just about stop.

"Clarke," she whispers, reaching her hand out and gracing her fingertips over her cheek as if she can't completely comprehend that this is real. Clarke is real, and she's alive. She's _okay._ Tears spill down Lexa's cheeks when Clarke turns her head and kisses her fingers.

She dives forwards and catches Clarke's lips with her own, desperate and relieved. She kisses her with so much love and intensity that her heart feels like it might just break free of her chest, and Clarke must feel everything she does because she slowly moves her bandaged hand and places it over Lexa's racing heart.

"I'm here," she whispers.

Lexa nods, keeping their foreheads together. "I was so scared."

"I know," Clarke says, her voice hoarse and dry. "But it's okay."

Lexa laughs a little and pulls away so she can look into Clarke's beautiful, sapphire eyes. Even after so much pain and so much loss, they are filled with so much life. "How is it that you're the one that almost died, and I'm the one that needs the comforting?"

Clarke smiles. "Because I make you weak."

"But you make me feel strong."

They both smile again, and Lexa pulls away, keeping her hands in Clarke's. She takes a breath. "I had a thought," she starts nervously, hoping Clarke won't be completely opposed to the idea. "I haven't talked to Marcus about it yet, nor do I even know if the boy would be open to the idea, but…" her voice fades into a quiet whisper, "But I just have to find a way to make this right." Clarke watches her quietly, waiting for her to continue, and after a heavy breath she says, "What if we brought a child home with us?"

The other girl blinks with surprise, and Lexa can't tell if it's good or bad surprise so she starts rambling. "The boy, Stephen, has no one else to turn to. Marcus said that there might be another family to take him in, but I do not want him to just be shoved into some random family. And last night the boy came to me crying, begging to bring his mother back, but I couldn't but I figure that if he was brave enough to come to be and beg for that then I assume he at least trusts me to come extent and…"

Lexa's voice fades when she notices the giant grin on Clarke's face, and she can't help but smile too. The two girls sit in silence for a few moment as everything seems to fall into place. All of Lexa's worries and all of her guilts fall away as she looks into the eyes of the girl she loves.

"What?" Lexa asks with a small laugh.

Clarke just shakes her head. "I'm just thinking of how great a parent you're gonna be for little Stephen."

The leader's cheeks burn, and she suddenly feels very shy. "I don't know if I could call myself his _parent_ if he is to return home with us. If anything I would be his mentor, just as I am to the nightbloods."

"I am sure Aden would disagree that you are simply his mentor," Clarke argues playfully. "You've practically raised him." She laughs. "And I'm sure he wouldn't mind having someone to call little brother. The only question is if Stephen would be willing to leave Arkadia with us."

“We can ask him when you are better,” Lexa offers hopefully, to which Clarke just smiles, and she remembers Marcus’s ring again. She wonders for a moment if now would be a good time to give it to her, but she quickly decides against it. “For now, you still need rest.”

Clarke’s smile quickly drops into a look that Lexa knows as her, _You’re kidding me, right?_ face. “I have been asleep for I don’t even know how long—”

“Today would be the fifth day.”

“—and you want me to sleep some more?” she laughs lightly, and Lexa knows the girl is simply picking fun at her worries. After a quick moment, Clarke shakes her head and reaches out for her. “Fine, if I’m going to back to sleep then I’m doing it next to the woman I love.”

A smile that spreads from ear to ear on Lexa’s face, and she helps Clarke shuffle over before slipping under the covers of the small bed and resting into Clarke’s side and entangling their legs. She touches a hand to Clarke’s cheek and pulls her into a long, lingering kiss, feeling her heart swell with so much love and happiness.

Everything feel right again with Clarke here. Like nothing else in the world matters except the two of them, and Lexa couldn’t ask for anything else in the world.

“I love you, Clarke Griffin.”

“ _Ai hod yu in, Leksa kom Trikru._ ”

 

* * *

 

Trigedasleng Translations:

"Beja." - Please.

"Beja, ai niron, komba raun gon ai. Thau yu, ai laik kwelen." — Please, my love, come back to me. Without you, I am weak.

"Ai ron ai uf op gon disha gona." — I give my strength to this warrior.

"Sha, Heda." — Yes Commander.

"Kru kom Arkadia. Raun faya, oso wada klin laudnes-de kom fotaim." — People of Arkadia. In fire, we cleanse the pain of the past.

"Yu gonplei ste oden." — Your fight is over.

"Ai loda bro, en ai loda sis. Disha gona kom Skaikru laik ridiyo bosh gona, en ai na otaim spek daun gon disha gona." — My brothers and sisters! These warriors of the Sky People are honorable warriors, and I will always bow down before them.

"Sonop" — Morning.

“Ai hod yu in, Leksa kom Trikru.” – I love you, Lexa of the Tree People.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, because honestly, it's one of my favorites!  
> And if you want, don't be shy in chatting me up on Tumblr @slogenheda... I promise I don't bite. I am just a smol nerd that's obsessed with Clexa lol


	8. Ai Na Get Raun, You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is everything okay now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so there might be some panic when people notice that the next chapter will be the last, however, DO NOT FRET! This was just one part of the series I wanted to tell... This was just to be the chaos that of course will lead to a possible wedding... I've still got other stories to tell with this series!

Being crippled fucking sucks. That's the first thing Clarke thinks as she reaches for a glass of water with her right hand. She can't even move the left one after what Sybil did to it in the tunnels beneath the ground. For days she has been trying to movie it. To move just her fingers, but so far, she's gotten nothing. She can feel everything just fine. The gentle beating of Lexa's heart against her hand. The warmth of her friends' hugs. But everything else falls flat. She can't hold anyone as tight as they hold her. she can't pick up a paintbrush or even a pencil. The hand is all but lifeless.

And she fucking hates it.

Lexa has tried to console her. She has tried giving her words of hope and support, but they only serve to piss her off. The wound reminds her of what happened. It serves as a symbol as to how helpless she was as she watched and listened to people die. How she watched and listened to her friends and mother die.

She wants to punch something. She has a new fire in her heart, urging her to fight, to avenge, to kill, but when she had brought the concept up to her lover, the girl has grown concerned and would only say, "Those who have wronged you are gone, _ai niron_. We cannot do anymore to find justice for the ones we've lost."

She had almost lost her temper at the words because Lexa didn't lose anyone. She got the one she loves back, but Clarke… she lost her mom, Monty, Monroe, and plenty more of her own people. So who is Lexa to claim that she has suffered in this crucible as well?

She knows it's selfish. She knows Lexa probably suffered more than she could ever possibly know. But she can't bring herself to care. She doesn't know how to care without feeling like she betraying everyone that died because of her. Clarke tries desperately to bury the memories so tainted in blood and pain. She tries to act like she is okay, but without her art, she can't do anything to express her own agony.

And Lexa's worried about her, that much is evident. She waits on Clarke hand and foot, constantly asking if she would like art supplies or something that would make her more comfortable while they remain in Arkadia, waiting for Clarke to regain enough strength for the trip back to Polis. But what Lexa never asks is if Clarke wants to talk, and she's grateful for that because she doesn't even know what she would say.

Every waking moment, she feels like she's going to break and collapse. She can't walk without crutches because her legs are so weak. She can't eat on her own because of her injured hand. She can barely leave her bed because she gets tired so quickly. God, she hates it… she hates everything.

Suddenly, she feels a hand touch her wrist, and she instantly pulls it away, nearly falling from her bed in the process.

She blinks, breathing heavily. Her vision comes back into focus and she sees Lexa standing beside her, hands held up and away from her.

"I am sorry, Clarke," she whispers, worry and hurt showing all over her face. "You were just so lost in thought—"

Clarke quickly shakes her head. "You don't need to be sorry, I'm _fine._ " Her voice is sharp with an irritation that, as of late, just never seems to go away.

Lexa takes a heavy breath, purses her lips, and slowly nods. She lowers her hands and head. "Right," she says tightly. She clenches her jaw a moment, grinding her teeth slightly. "I will go see if Marcus needs any assistance from our warriors, then."

Clarke closes her eyes and drops her head back. This has been happening a lot too. She keeps shutting Lexa out, but Lexa never says anything about out, even though Clarke knows how much Lexa is going through right now as well. She's in a foreign city with people who still don't completely trust her, and the one person she is supposed to be able to find solitude with is pushing her away.

Clarke lifts a hand and touches the necklace her mother gave her. She doesn't remember putting it on. It was just there when she woke up. She assumes that whoever had operated on her had found the piece in her pants pocket and did not wish for her to lose it when they burned her bloodied and torn clothes.

She runs her fingers over the smooth metal of the band. She wants to give it to Lexa. She wants to heal and just go back to how happy they were before all of this shit happened. Clarke closes her eyes, thinking about when her mom had given the token to her. It feels like it's been ages since that night:

_Abby looks over her daughter's face almost sadly, taking one of her hands to stroke her cheek. "You've grown up so much," she whispers. "You've become a leader and now, you're going to be a wife." Abby smiles widely as tears begin running down her face. She takes her hand away and pulls her necklace off over her head, turning Clarke's hand over to set it into her palm. "He would've wanted you to have this_ _…" she pauses, and then, "I want you to have this."_

_Tears run down Clarke's face as she turns the ring over in her fingers. "Mom_ _…" Clarke breathes, not sure what else to say._

_"I know Lexa seemed content with the puppy, but_ _…" Abby shakes her head, "I just thought you might want something special to give her as well. You don't have to give it to her now, or at all really—"_

_Clarke's fingers close tightly around the ring and chain, and she throws her arms around her mom. "Thank you," she says into Abby's shoulder. "For everything."_

_Abby holds Clarke happily, gently swaying for several long moments on the bench. When they break apart, Abby lifts her hands to wipe away Clarke's tears. "I just want you to be happy, sweetheart."_

_Clarke nods. "I am. I really am."_

Tears slowly slip passed Clarke's eyelids, running down her cheeks. Her heart is filled with so much anger, sadness, regret… She feels too much and too little all at once, and she just doesn't know how to fix it or how to feel _better._ Hell, she doesn't even know if she even _wants_ to feel better. Some days she just wonders if it'd be easier for her to fall back asleep, forever.

"Clarke."

She looks up and finds Jackson at the end of her bed, holding one of Raven's old crutches for her to use as support while she walks. She finds herself wanting to cry even more at the sight of it, knowing that these next few hours will be hard and painful as he puts her through different exercises to help Clarke regain her strength and mobility.

And funny enough, she just wishes Lexa was there to support her through it.

 

 

"What is the capitol like, Heda?" Stephen asks dully, digging a small trench in the ground with a stick.

Since the night of the burning ceremony, Lexa and Stephen have gravitated towards one another. When Lexa is not with Clarke, she's often sitting on a log with the child. Sometimes they talk. Other times Lexa has tried teaching him a little about how to properly wield a sword.

That is something that often makes the boy smile as he momentarily forgets the wound still very fresh upon his tiny heart.

But today, he has been quiet since seeing Lexa and coming to sit beside her. This is the first thing he has spoken, and so Lexa is only slightly surprised when the question is asked.

"It depends on what sector of the city you are in," the leader says. "There's the market and the arena and of course the great big Polis Tower that I call home. Then there are other sections that are just rows and rows of homes where the people of Polis live."

The child stops his motions with the stick and looks to her then with a curious eye. "What's your favorite part of it?"

Lexa smiles gently at the boy, leaning in close to whisper her answer as if it is a big secret. "My favorite section is the Polis Gardens where we grow food and flowers and trees and all sorts of plants from all over the lands of the different clans." She releases a breath, pulling away a little to reminisce about the time when she brought Clarke there. "I brought someone very special to me there once," she says gently. "It was the first time I told her that I was in love with her."

"Momma used to say that Daddy promised to bring her to the ground so that he could bring her flowers." The boy looks to Lexa again, this time with uncertainty in her eyes. "Do you think I could come see the gardens, Heda? Momma has a plant back in our home that she really loved, and I was wondering if I could put it there."

Lexa's heart swells at the boy's sincere question, and her soul fills with the hope that maybe this will be the start of a new life for him. That maybe he will end up choosing to stay with Lexa and Clarke in Polis.

"I would be honored to have you plant your mother's flower in the Polis Gardens," she answers, watching little Stephen's eyes light up with pure joy. "It will be the first gift for the gardens to come from Arkadia, and I could not think of something so worthy to grow in our capitol."

Stephen drops his stick and throws his arms around Lexa's neck, burying his face in her shoulder. "Thank you, thank you, thank you, Heda." Lexa holds the boy tightly in her arms, feeling her heart beat with so much love for this little boy, and she begins to wonder if this is what it will always feel like if he is to live with her in Polis.

Lexa pulls back and gives the boy a playful yet stern look. "I must say, there is a couple things you have to do before coming to Polis with me, Stephen."

This seems to scare him a little, and he steps back, fiddling with his fingers. "What do I gotta do?"

The girl smiles softly at him. "First you have to make sure it's okay with Chancellor Marcus, then once you do that, tell him to send for my good friend Aron. He will help you pack your things to leave with me a week or so from now."

Once more, Stephen's eyes light up, and he's off like a light towards the main entrance of Arkadia's main building to find Marcus. Lexa smiles after him, thinking about everything she wishes to show him in Polis. She wants to show him how she fell in love with the city in the same way she had shown Clarke.

She sits quietly for a moment, allowing her thoughts to melt into only thoughts of the girl she loves. The girl who keeps pushing her away when Lexa knows Clarke needs someone's help, and she begins to wonder if it's because Clarke blames her for all that has happened.

Before she gets too lost in thought, however, the log shakes, and she finds herself joined by her most trusted friend and adviser.

"How does Clarke's health fare today?" Indra asks. There's a hint of hope in the elder adviser's voice. Lexa wishes she could share that feeling, but she begins thinking once again of how she feels as though with each passing day, Clarke pushes her further and further away. She feels like she's failed the girl she is to wed… Well, the girl she _thinks_ she's still supposed to wed. Clarke has mentioned nothing about the wedding since waking. Lexa has thought a few times about presenting her with the ring Marcus gave to her, but no time ever feels right.

Lexa slides her hand to the breast pocket of the shirt Marcus had gifted to her and takes out the dark ring. The leader turns the object over and over absentmindedly in her fingers and sighs with deep-pitted heartache. "She grows stronger by the day," is Lexa's quiet reply. Her chest feels like someone has broken a knife within her ribcage, and with each breath she takes, all she can feel is the fatal pain it brings.

"And you are not happy about this," Indra observes, noticing how frail the Commander looks these days. Even with Clarke awake she still doesn't eat or sleep. Indra can tell something is not right between the pair, but she also knows it is not entirely her place to continually intervene.

Lexa thinks over her reply for several minutes before speaking it aloud, fearful that she might sound like a child. "Do you think she doesn't love me anymore?"

Indra straightens, taken aback by the question. "Heda, why would you question Clarke's faith towards you? Even when her people were killed at the expense of your engagement announcement, she could not deny herself the truth of her love. Or when we abandoned her people at Mount Weather, Clarke's love for you overtook all else, and she forgave you for that choice."

Lexa swallows, feeling like she might cry at the thought of how much Clarke loves her, but she cannot help in feeling like that love is gone because of her failure in protecting Abby, Monty, and Monroe from their fatal and unfortunate fates.

"She pushes me away. When I try to help, she shuts down." Lexa clenches her jaw, feeling frustration take over. "She grows angry with her recovery and refuses to acknowledge the fact that she has virtually no use of her left hand—"

The aggravated leader is cut of by a boisterous laugh. The log she sits on shakes at the weight of the one and only Raven Reyes dropping down beside her. The girl stretches out her braced leg with a gentle huff.

"Man," Raven starts with an arrogant smirk towards Lexa, "I know you know a lot about our girl Clarke, but goddamn if you don't know _anything_ about how that girl grieves or deals with her problems."

"You have no right to speak to your Commander that way," Indra barks at the girl, standing and grabbing for her sword. "I should have your tongue for—"

" _Indra, em pleni!_ "

" _Heda ai nou na bak em op!_ "

" _Em laik ai lukot. Em nou na bash op._ "

Indra closes her eyes with apparent annoyance, but she succeeds in her attempts to protect Lexa's honor as Commander. She releases her sword and returns to her previous position beside Lexa.

Raven just looks at the pair with amusement. "Does your mom here know what a chill pill is?"

"I am no mother."

"I do not know my mother."

Raven rolls her eyes. "Sarcasm, Commander Sexy, learn it," she says, patting the girl on the back. "But anyways, we're talking about the resident drama queen, Clarke Griffin, not your lack of social skills."

Lexa grits her teeth but allows the girl to continue anyways. "Yes, what is this thing I apparently do not know about _ai niron._ "

"Clarke puts everyone before herself—"

"This I am aware—"

"Don't interrupt, it's rude," Raven playfully chastises. Lexa blinks, unused to how abrupt this girl is with those she speaks to. "Now, as I was saying, she doesn't take care of herself when she's grieving. If she thinks other people are hurting like her, then she will never let herself heal like she needs to."

"Raven, no disrespect, but I am already aware of how Clarke is. I have always been aware of that since the day Finn was executed by her hand." Raven tenses a bit at the memory, and Lexa quickly realizes her blunder. But she cannot apologize to this girl. She is Heda, and even if Raven is a friend with special speaking privileges given to her courtesy of Clarke, Lexa will never allow herself to apologize for what she speaks to her.

Once more, Raven rolls her eyes and looks to the Commander dumbly. "It means she doesn't not love you, genius. Clarke is just acting like Clarke because she knows that others are hurting, and she is probably in that infirmary telling herself just how much all of this is her fault and how she's such a bad person and blah, blah, blah…"

Lexa gives Raven a look and the girl shrugs. "Our people are shitheads to our leaders. It's no wonder Clarke's coping mechanism is to put all the blame on herself. It's what everyone else in this fucked up place does to her anyways."

Lexa feels her heart break for the girl, knowing the weight one might feel at being accused of failing by one's own people. If Lexa's people fear she might be doing wrong or think she is leading them into an era of weakness, she is killed. That is a more gentile punishment than the punishment of what Lexa would think to be mentally torturous. To hear the voices of her own people at all hours in her head, telling her how poor of a leader she is… Lexa is sure she would have gone mad, maybe even done something dangerous to end the endless torment.

The leader thinks back to the many night terrors that Clarke has woken to in their times together. Sometimes she wakes crying, other times she is screaming, but almost always, she wakes with a hundred apologies on her lips. Lexa always thought the girl was apologizing to her for scaring her awake, but now she realizes that Clarke must've been trying to apologize to the ones she feels she has wronged. The ones that torment her while she sleeps, while she is part of the waking world.

For Clarke, it never ends, and Lexa was too blind to see it.

She stands abruptly, stuffing Marcus's ring back into the breast pocket of her Skaikru shirt. "I need to find Clarke." Then she's off towards the main building.

As Lexa nears the entrance, she hears Raven shout, "She's in that shitty PT room with Jackson!"

She doesn't stop to thank the girl. Lexa just keeps running.

 

 

Clarke sits on the uncomfortable metal floor of the physical therapy room Jackson set up for her and a couple others who'd injured themselves while out in the forest. She uses her right hand to hold the ends of a long rubber-band. She has it looped around her left foot, and she slowly, painfully expands and contracts the rubber. It's used to bring alive the tired, weakened muscles in her arms and legs, and truthfully, she can tell that it's been helping.

On her way to the physical therapy room with Jackson, she had walked most of the way with just barely any use of the crutch. She knows that the rest of her body is healing, even if it's constantly in a state of pain. Jackson said that would be normal because of the extent of her injuries, but she just wishes she could heal faster.

She looks to her left hand with a frown at that thought. Jackson hasn't even bothered trying with trying to regain the movement in her hand. He said that first they have to wait for the bones and muscles to heal for weeks if not months before he can attempt physical therapy on it.

Clarke knows he's trying the best he can without Abby's help. She was the most brilliant doctor that the Ark had ever seen, and so he's been sending out search parties of only Arkadian soldiers for books on physical therapy and on advanced wound treatments. She knows he's been trying to keep it a secret, but she spotted him one night reading an old-world medical book on advanced physical therapy when she had been wandering around on her crutch.

She had gained a new sense of respect for her mother's former apprentice after seeing him like that. Truth be told, she'd often seen him as Abby's little sheep or servant. He was always waiting on her hand and foot, listening to her every order like a dog that just wanted a treat. What Clarke hadn't realized was that it was because he is just as passionate about healing as Abby was, if not even more.

A shout and some clattering outside stirs Clarke from her thoughts, and she looks to the closed door suspiciously, wondering what or who could be making that much commotion and why.

Clarke releases her rubber band and pulls herself up to her feet when she sees Lexa barreling into the room. "Lexa? What are you—"

She's cut off when Lexa takes only two large strides towards her, takes her face in her hands, and kisses her with enough passion to make her legs feel like liquid once again. She has to quickly grip her fists into Lexa's shirt to stop herself from falling, and Lexa moves her arms to wrap around Clarke's waist to keep them flush together. Instantly, Clarke is reminded about just how strong Lexa is.

It feels like ages since they've held one another like this, and Clarke greedily takes in the gentle and emotional feeling of Lexa's lips against her own. Like she's a desert seeing rainfall for the first time in decades.

When Lexa pulls away, Clarke feels like all the air's been ripped from her lungs, and she searches Lexa's glossy eyes, silently asking what that was for.

Lexa moves a single hand to cup Clarke's cheek and keeps their foreheads pressed together. " _Ai hod yu in, Klark kom Skaikru._ I do so, so much." Lexa closes her eyes and tightens her grip around Clarke's waist being mindful of her still-healing wounds. "I am here," Lexa says. "For better or for worse, for sickness and in health, do death do we part. _I am here._ "

Clarke searches Lexa's face, feeling tears begin to sting her own eyes. She always knew Lexa would be by her side through everything, but hearing her say it makes her realize that that promise is _real._ That she doesn't have to carry her burdens alone, and she pulls Lexa in close, burying her face into her fiancèe's warm neck. She breathes in her familiar scent of the forest, now layered with a slight, acrid smell that comes with being in Arkadia for so long.

"I love you," Clarke whispers into her skin. "So goddamned much." Lexa's hand slides over Clarke's back to soothe her, and her fingers brush the metal of Abby's necklace. She pulls back a little and takes the necklace off over her head.

Lexa watches her intensely, never loosening her grip on Clarke as the girl uses one hand to unclasp the chain and take the ring off. "Normally it's our tradition to kneel when we propose, but I figure I don't have that option right now." Lexa's gaze softens when she realizes what Clarke is doing. "But things have been pretty shitty lately, but before…" Clarke swallows, trying to stop her threatening tears. "But before my mom was killed, she gave this to me and told me that she wanted me to give this to the person that meant the most to me. The person I want to spent the rest of my life with. Who can take care of me when I don't know how, and who can make me irrevocably happy. So, I know you already asked, but—"

Once again, she's cut off by Lexa's lips. Only this time, Lexa presses forward until they run into the wall. The whole time, Lexa whispers, "Yes," against Clarke's lips like the most precious prayer. And while the pair kisses against the wall, Clarke grabs Lexa's left hand and slips the ring onto her ring finger. The size is a little too big, but Clarke figures they can fix that later when they finally return to their home in Polis.

Lexa's sudden laughter ruins the kiss, and Clarke can't help but giggle with her. "What's so funny?"

She lifts a hand to her breast pocket and reveals a small, dark wooden ring. "Marcus gave this to me when we found where you where being hidden." Then her smile turns shy. "I had come in here to ask you if you still wanted to marry me."

Clarke's lower lip trembles at that revelation, realizing how much distress she must've caused the girl with all of her constant distance. " _Oso gonplei ogeda. Feva, mema?_ "

Lexa nods with a wide smile, gingerly slipping the ring onto Clarke's left ring finger. " _Sha, ai niron._ "

 

* * *

 

 

"Ai na get raun, you." — I will atone.

"Indra, em pleni!" — Indra, that's enough!

"Heda ai nou na bak em op!" — Commander, I will not stand for this!

"Em laik ai lukot. Em nou na bash op." — She is my friend. She means no harm.

"Ai hod yu in, Klark kom Skaikru." — I love you, Clarke of the Sky People.

"Oso gonplei ogeda. Feva, mema?" — We fight as one. Forever, remember?

"Sha, ai niron." — Yes, my love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! As always, feel free to hmu and scream at me on Tumblr @slogenheda  
> Also, I'm considering doing like a series of one-shots for Clarke and Lexa in the time set before "Just Kiss Me" when Lexa proposed for the first time... So if you'd be interested, hit up my ask-box with what you'd like me to write about!


	9. And War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sweet little epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh! So this is the last chapter! Enjoy!

**_Three Weeks Later_ **

 

Clarke wakes to a sharp pain going up her arm as it feels like it's being yanked from her body. The pain is quickly followed by a young voice shouting, "Clarke! Heda says we have to leave _now_ if we wanna get to Paris on time!"

The girl groans, frustrated with the boy's tactics to wake her. "It's Polis, Stephen," she grumbles, burying her face into her pillow, relishing in the feeling of the soft furs covering her body. She curls into herself, trying to retain the heat she has beneath the blankets.

She's no longer in the infirmary, thank god. She thought she was going to lose her mind if she had to stay in there for any longer. About a week ago they had moved her into what used to to Abby's cabin with Lexa. It had been nice to finally have some alone time with the woman she loves — not that they could do what Clarke _wanted_ to because of all the fragile wounds that still cover her body.

Clarke's physical therapy has been going well too. She's regained her full strength in her legs and arms, and Jackson's shown her and Lexa exercises for Clarke to use to get her left hand healing. It's a slow process that frustrates Clarke to no end, but she has regained a little bit of movement within her fingers. She still can't make a fist or pick anything up with that hand, but she is managing. She can still stroke Lexa's cheek and run her fingers through her lover's silky brunette hair so she figures that that's better than nothing.

With her recovery going so well, Lexa finally decided it was time for them to return home. They were supposed to leave two weeks ago, but after Marcus had decided that Stephen could leave with them, the boy came down with the flu. Lexa said they would not leave without him, and that she wanted the boy to have the best treatment available to him — though Clarke thinks Lexa also wanted _her_ to stay for her physical therapy, even if the leader would never admit it.

"Heda said I have to wake you!" Stephen tries again, pulling on her arm again.

"Go tell _Heda_ that if she wants me out of bed she can come drag me out herself," Clarke whines at the boy, pulling her arm from him and burying herself beneath the warm furs on the bed.

Stephen huffs and stomps out of the room, and Clarke can't help but smile a little. After regaining enough strength to walk by herself, Clarke noticed how much of a shadow the boy had become towards Lexa. He listens to her without question, and she can tell he trusts her with every bit of his life. When she had asked Lexa about it, the leader had turned shy and bashful saying that he had been her primary counsel and comfort when Clarke had first woken up.

Clarke giggled at that admission and given Lexa a loving kiss, mumbling, "You're too adorable," against her lips. To that, Lexa had just rolled her eyes and kissed her again.

Just as she is about to fall asleep once more, a warm weight settles atop the blankets and she feels a strong arm snake around her waist, pulling her closer. Clarke knows immediately who it is and grins.

"My little warrior has informed me you specifically requested that _I_ be the one to wake you," Lexa breathes against the back of Clarke's neck, sending goosebumps all over the girl's skin.

Clarke frees one of her arms from beneath the blanket to cover Lexa's hand with hers. It's then that she notices that Lexa's wearing her armor, feeling the bones tied to Lexa's glove. She ignores the feeling and snuggles into Lexa's warmth.

"I did," is Clarke's only reply to the girl.

She closes her eyes again to fall back asleep once more, but then Lexa brushes Clarke's hair back with her nose and starts pressing warm, open mouthed kisses to her skin. Her arm still wrapped around Clarke tightens, squeezing her body against Lexa's.

"What are you doing?" Clarke asks, her voice already sounding breathier than it should. _It's been too long_ , Clarke thinks when she lifts her hand from Lexa's to tangle it into the girl's hair and encourage her even further.

Lexa's lips trail up the back of Clarke's neck until she reaches her ear, and she nips at the sensitive skin just below it before whispering, "I am waking you, _ai niron._ " Her voice alone turns Clarke on beyond all belief, and her breathing becomes heavier with each kiss Lexa plants on her skin. "It has been too long…"

Clarke only nods, allowing Lexa to slowly pull her onto her back and strip the blankets from her. She is struck with the chilly, morning air for only a brief moment because Lexa quickly straddles her, and Clarke sees her full outfit for the first time today.

She dons almost all of her traditional gear: gauntlets, heavy coat, black pants with blade sheaths. Even her hair is braided and pulled back from her face. All that's missing is her shoulder pad with the sash of the Commander.

But she doesn't give Clarke more than a second to fawn over how hot she looks before she takes Clarke's face in her hands and begins kissing her with hot passion. Clarke can't remember the last time Lexa kissed her like this. She greedily takes everything Lexa gives to her, hoping this isn't just another one of her rather inappropriate dreams.

She moans when she feels Lexa's tongue brush against her bottom lip, and Clarke hungrily takes Lexa's in between her teeth before allowing herself to feel the sensation of Lexa's tongue against her own. This time, it's Lexa's turn to moan, and it's followed by the light grinding of her hips.

Without hesitation, Clarke moves her hands to Lexa's hips and digging her fingers into the fabric of her coat — though her left hand mostly just lightly presses against the coat. Her own hips buck into Lexa's, trying to find whatever friction she can.

Lexa moves her hands to the collar of Clarke's shirt and pulls her up into a sitting position. She settles into Clarke's lap, wrapping her arms around Clarke's shoulders and pulling their bodies against one another. Clarke's arms tighten around Lexa's waist encouraging her previous movements. Lexa obliges and both women whimper into each other's mouths as their kisses quickly become messier.

"Wait," Lexa suddenly says, her breathing thick and slow.

Clarke stops all of her movements immediately and opens her eyes, pulling away a little. "What's wrong?"

A smirk comes to Lexa's lips, and all she says is, "I have an idea."

In one swift movement, she slides off Clarke's lap, entwines their hands together, and pulls Clarke with her. The Sky Girl follows without question as her fiancee leads her from the bed and towards the small bathroom. Clarke's heart skips a beat as she thinks about showering with Lexa again. Watching the water slowly cascade down her lithe, tattooed body. Being able to run her hands over Lexa's many scars. Pressing her against the shower wall and listening to the girl scream her name.

All of these thoughts leave Clarke's mouth dry, and she doesn't even notice when she's suddenly standing alone in the bathroom. She blinks, looking around. _What the hell?_

She turns around to find the door shut, and when she tries to press it open, it doesn't budge. Then she hears Lexa laugh, and she hits the door with a frustrated growl.

" _Leksa kom Trikru,_ what did you do?"

Another laugh. "I got you out of bed, did I not?"

Clarke turns and notices a pile of clothes sitting on the sink counter. Her eyes widen as she realizes that Lexa planned this whole think out. "Oh that's just _cruel!_ " she shouts.

"Cruelty is just a matter of perspective, _ai niron!_ "

"Don't _ai niron_ me, Lexa! Open this damned door right now!"

"Not until you have dressed and are ready to leave."

Clarke grits her teeth and tries again to push open the door. She knows Lexa's on the other side holding it closed. With a huff, she bitterly changes out of her pajamas.

"Alright, I'm dressed," she calls out, and a moment passes before Lexa opens the door with a shit eating grin. She offers Clarke a hand.

"Shall we return home then?"

Clarke narrows her eyes and crosses her arms. "I am so never talking to you ever again," Clarke grumbles, shooting a harsh glare Lexa's way. She's not _really_ mad at her. She's kind of impressed really, but she'll be damned if she lets her ego get crushed because of this.

As Clarke makes her way to the door she hears one last laugh and a quiet, " _Sha, ai niron._ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, okay... So I know I didn't write the wedding in this fic, bit I AM STILL GOING TO WRITE IT!!! It's just going to be a separate piece of its own since I thought this would be a good ending to this fic.
> 
> Anyways, feel free to yell at me over on Tumblr @slogenheda...


End file.
